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Hi, Bad Joke Thread, I'm Dad

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    knitdanknitdan In ur base Killin ur guysRegistered User regular
    edited March 2023
    Roughly, yes

    I know the Dutch or whoever pronounce it something like “Howda” but if that’s the case they should spell it like it sounds

    (We also say “Van Gogh” as if the gh is silent)

    knitdan on
    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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    JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    It's pronounced like Mario approving of something.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    7jt8z37teqos.jpeg

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    RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    sbs9xnuq73wk.jpg

    It's perfect, no notes

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Seen elsewhere:
    Bacteria: The only culture some people have.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    WotanAnubisWotanAnubis Registered User regular
    knitdan wrote: »
    Roughly, yes

    I know the Dutch or whoever pronounce it something like “Howda” but if that’s the case they should spell it like it sounds

    (We also say “Van Gogh” as if the gh is silent)

    No we don't. We pronounce it something like "[sound that can not be produced by an English-speaking throat]owda".

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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    knitdan wrote: »
    Roughly, yes

    I know the Dutch or whoever pronounce it something like “Howda” but if that’s the case they should spell it like it sounds

    (We also say “Van Gogh” as if the gh is silent)

    No we don't. We pronounce it something like "[sound that can not be produced by an English-speaking throat]owda".
    tcvxiqdf3gs2.jpg

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    Ringo wrote: »
    sbs9xnuq73wk.jpg

    It's perfect, no notes

    This is SLAUGHTERING me

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    tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks OaklandRegistered User regular
    What's Irish and stays out all night?

    Patty O'Furniture

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    OrcaOrca Also known as Espressosaurus WrexRegistered User regular
    Booooo!

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    KupiKupi Registered User regular
    I address this one to my fellow Pokemon fans:

    What do you call it when a Garganacl runs past at full speed?
    A dash of salt.

    My favorite musical instrument is the air-raid siren.
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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    What do you get when you give Eevee a French stone?
    Napoleon

    BLM - ACAB
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    Kane Red RobeKane Red Robe Master of Magic ArcanusRegistered User regular
    gae1qmd04kq9.jpg

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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    ToxTox I kill threads he/himRegistered User regular
    The Geek wrote: »
    What do you get when you give Eevee a French stone?
    Napoleon

    They were gonna add both a new Flying type and a new Ghost type eeveelution to the new game.

    Same evo item, though
    . . . a cliff

    Twitter! | Dilige, et quod vis fac
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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    I had a great childhood. My dad used to put me inside tires and roll me down hills.
    Those were Goodyears…

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    edited March 2023
    I’m never giving up on my dreams.
    And that’s why I’m going back to bed and staying there.

    joshofalltrades on
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    djmitchelladjmitchella Registered User regular
    The British Psychological Society on dad jokes

    spoiler: they're in favour:
    In light of this, it is worth considering dad jokes as a pedagogical tool that may serve a beneficial function for the very children who roll their eyes at them. By continually telling their children jokes that are so bad that they’re embarrassing, fathers may push their children’s limits for how much embarrassment they can handle. They show their children that embarrassment isn’t fatal. For a child who is approaching or has entered adolescence, which appears to be a sensitive period for sociocultural processing (Blakemore & Mills, 2014), this is an immensely valuable lesson. In this sense, dad jokes may have a positive pedagogical effect, toughening up the kids who are begrudgingly exposed to them.

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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    I was hoping for a punchline

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    chromdomchromdom Who? Where?Registered User regular
    ?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi5.walmartimages.com%2Fasr%2Fbbf4582c-d40f-4b73-a19e-97a5e1f14da0_1.5a6e26ebe473f540d264212dfbd96065.jpeg&f=1&nofb=1&ipt=ec4a46ba8b851bcea3d14d7528134923c5656e6033e517aad93a50fbd5a5e741&ipo=images

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    chromdomchromdom Who? Where?Registered User regular
    Wait, that's the wrong joke

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    TallahasseerielTallahasseeriel Registered User regular
    What is a cows greatest regret

    All the moostakes it made

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    see317see317 Registered User regular
    chromdom wrote: »
    Wait, that's the wrong joke

    I don't know if it's the wrong joke, or if it's just insufficiently the right joke.
    To properly graph a line, you need at least three points, right?
    chromdom wrote: »
    ?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi5.walmartimages.com%2Fasr%2Fbbf4582c-d40f-4b73-a19e-97a5e1f14da0_1.5a6e26ebe473f540d264212dfbd96065.jpeg&f=1&nofb=1&ipt=ec4a46ba8b851bcea3d14d7528134923c5656e6033e517aad93a50fbd5a5e741&ipo=images
    ...?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi5.walmartimages.com%2Fasr%2Fbbf4582c-d40f-4b73-a19e-97a5e1f14da0_1.5a6e26ebe473f540d264212dfbd96065.jpeg&f=1&nofb=1&ipt=ec4a46ba8b851bcea3d14d7528134923c5656e6033e517aad93a50fbd5a5e741&ipo=images
    ......?u=https%3A%2F%2Fi5.walmartimages.com%2Fasr%2Fbbf4582c-d40f-4b73-a19e-97a5e1f14da0_1.5a6e26ebe473f540d264212dfbd96065.jpeg&f=1&nofb=1&ipt=ec4a46ba8b851bcea3d14d7528134923c5656e6033e517aad93a50fbd5a5e741&ipo=images

    There we go. Now that's a punch line.

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    TallahasseerielTallahasseeriel Registered User regular
    But that's a punch column, but if they were horizontal it would be a punch row

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    NitsuaNitsua Gloucester, VARegistered User regular
    You guys are all punch drunk, I can tell.

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    ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    I wish there was a way to post a skit ...

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    MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    edited March 2023
    Elvenshae wrote: »
    I wish there was a way to post a skit ...

    g0jayr6zywqg.jpeg
    &
    s0ys4kcnvqze.jpeg


    MichaelLC on
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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    If you bite something and you die - it's poisonous.
    If something bites you and you die - it's venomous.
    If you touch something and you die - it's toxic.
    If you stand near something and you die - it's radioactive.
    If something bites itself and you die - it's sympathetic magic.
    If something bites you and someone else dies - that's correlation, not causation.
    If something bites you and you like it - that's just kinky.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    I just want to order the endless feast of boneless wings and a peach margarita, dude.

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    I saw on My Strange Addiction that a kid was addicted to chewing on electrical cords.

    If that was my kid, I would ground them until they conduct themselves properly.

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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
    One has claws at the end of its paws, while the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    cr33g93ntsqm.png

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
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    MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
    One has claws at the end of its paws, while the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

    That's my go-to safe dad joke.

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    BlitzAce1981BlitzAce1981 Registered User regular
    I saw on My Strange Addiction that a kid was addicted to chewing on electrical cords.

    If that was my kid, I would ground them until they conduct themselves properly.

    Shocking behaviour, hopefully they're currently not doing that.

    PSN ID - BlitzAce1981 FFXIV - Raiden Solitaire (Sargatanas)
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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited March 2023
    What kind of canoes are the most dangerous?
    volcanoes

    The Geek on
    BLM - ACAB
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    facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    While I was cooking earlier I had the this thought:

    You know what band must have the hardest time selling merch? Plain White Tees

    As always, this is a true story.

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
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    klemmingklemming Registered User regular
    Yesterday I gave up my seat on the bus to a small child.
    Today I lost my job as a bus driver.
    No good deed goes unpunished.

    Nobody remembers the singer. The song remains.
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    knitdanknitdan In ur base Killin ur guysRegistered User regular
    San Diego is what happens when you drop a frozen waffle at the beach

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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    JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    At least the waffle has a grid

    GDdCWMm.jpg
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    RanlinRanlin Oh gosh Registered User regular
    klemming wrote: »
    Yesterday I gave up my seat on the bus to a small child.
    Today I lost my job as a bus driver.
    No good deed goes unpunished.

    For a moment there I forgot what thread I clicked on and read that as serious and was like, wtf why are there so many awesomes on that that's terrib...wait.

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