Ashley was now wearing only brief white panties. She had signaled her desire by removing her shirt and skirt, and by leaning back on the couch. She closed her eyes, concentrating on nothing but Shannon's tongue and lips. He gently teased her by licking the areas around her most sensitive erogenous zone. Then he slipped her panties down her legs and, within seconds, his tongue was inside her, moving rapidly.
Hold on. Did "Xanth" come from saying that guy's name too quickly? Did I miss out on this connection for over a decade or is it coincidence?
I am hoping this is a coincidence because I never noticed this either. However I will claim youthful ignorance because I was only 14-15 when I read those books.
Hold on. Did "Xanth" come from saying that guy's name too quickly? Did I miss out on this connection for over a decade or is it coincidence?
I am hoping this is a coincidence because I never noticed this either. However I will claim youthful ignorance because I was only 14-15 when I read those books.
I like to imagine everyone who reads this thread saying Piers Anthony's name out loud and then saying "Oh, dammit." Because that's what I just did.
Happily, Wikipedia says that it was unintentional. I bet he laughed himself blue when it was brought to his attention, though. It's his kind of joke.
i wonder if they have a sex story about cunt punching
"i slowly pulled back my hand and sensually balled it into a fist and with a loud grunt I rammed into her closed castle gates that barred my entry. Again, with anticipation and annoyance that these gates would not grant my goblin army passage I heaved that ho with all the force of my naruto ultimate technique..."
Neal Stephenson writes some pretty terrible sex scenes. But judging by the general atmosphere of the Baroque Cycle, I can never tell how much of that is intentional.
he writes pretty terrible women characters. they're pretty much just cum dumpsters
y. t. was not a cum dumpster
uh huh. pray tell how did she defeat the big bad inuit? or how much of the book did she talk about wanting to ride some dude's cock?
Uh-oh! A teenage girl with a sex drive! How awful!
Neal Stephenson writes some pretty terrible sex scenes. But judging by the general atmosphere of the Baroque Cycle, I can never tell how much of that is intentional.
he writes pretty terrible women characters. they're pretty much just cum dumpsters
y. t. was not a cum dumpster
uh huh. pray tell how did she defeat the big bad inuit? or how much of the book did she talk about wanting to ride some dude's cock?
Uh-oh! A teenage girl with a sex drive! How awful!
I'm glad someone mentioned Richard K Morgan. I haven't read Thirteen (or The Black Man as I think it is properly titled, when not published in my politically correct United States), but while I loved his Kovacs series, I didn't really appreciate the random porno transcripts. If I want porno, I'll go watch porno.
I've never quite understood how Piers Anthony pulled off what he always has with Xanth. There's so much juvenile bestiality implied in those books. I read 15-20 of them when I was younger. But man, in all the rest of his books, such as the Space Tyrant series and the Battle Circle trilogy, rape is pretty much a daily thing. People getting raped and murdered left and right. I enjoy reading everything of his, but I must say I was a bit jarred going from Xanth to Battle Circle.
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At age ten the madam put the child in a cage with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons. They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest.
He could feel her heart beneath his hands. He moved his hands slowly lower still and she arched her back to help him and her lower leg came against his. He held her breasts in his hands. Oddly, he thought, the lower one might be larger. . . . One of her breasts now hung loosely in his hand near his face and he knew not how best to touch her.
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DynagripBreak me a million heartsHoustonRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Neal Stephenson writes some pretty terrible sex scenes. But judging by the general atmosphere of the Baroque Cycle, I can never tell how much of that is intentional.
he writes pretty terrible women characters. they're pretty much just cum dumpsters
y. t. was not a cum dumpster
uh huh. pray tell how did she defeat the big bad inuit? or how much of the book did she talk about wanting to ride some dude's cock?
Uh-oh! A teenage girl with a sex drive! How awful!
yes, that is exactly my complaint.
That's a silly complaint
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JedocIn the scupperswith the staggers and jagsRegistered Userregular
I'm glad someone mentioned Richard K Morgan. I haven't read Thirteen (or The Black Man as I think it is properly titled, when not published in my politically correct United States), but while I loved his Kovacs series, I didn't really appreciate the random porno transcripts. If I want porno, I'll go watch porno.
I've never quite understood how Piers Anthony pulled off what he always has with Xanth. There's so much juvenile bestiality implied in those books. I read 15-20 of them when I was younger. But man, in all the rest of his books, such as the Space Tyrant series and the Battle Circle trilogy, rape is pretty much a daily thing. People getting raped and murdered left and right. I enjoy reading everything of his, but I must say I was a bit jarred going from Xanth to Battle Circle.
Battle Circle was some kind of fucked up. There was that entire book that started with the mutant boy and the nine-year-old girl fighting naked on top of a mountain and then falling in love and having sexy adventures.
I think I'd managed to forget about most of that, but now it's all screaming back. Thanks a ton.
Although The Weaponless One was an extremely cool character, and I'd forgotten about him as well, so I suppose it all balances out. Sort of.
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PiptheFairFrequently not in boats.Registered Userregular
I am mightily pissed off. I have addressed this to Owen, Amanda and Ben because I don't know who i am supposed to be pissed off with (i'm assuming owen, but i filed to amanda and ben so it's only fair), and also to Tony, who wasn't here - if he had been I'm guessing it wouldn't have happened.
I don't really like people tinkering with my copy for the sake of tinkering. I do not enjoy the suggestion that you have a better ear or eye for how I want my words to read than I do. Owen, we discussed your turning three of my long sentences into six short ones in a single piece, and how that wasn't going to happen anymore, so I'm really hoping it wasn't you that fucked up my review on saturday.
It was the final sentence. Final sentences are very, very important. A piece builds to them, they are the little jingle that the reader takes with him into the weekend.
There is no length issue. This is someone thinking "I'll just remove this indefinite article because Coren is an illiterate pcunt and i know best".
Well, you fucking don't.
This was shit, shit sub-editing for three reasons.
1) 'Nosh', as I'm sure you fluent Yiddish speakers know, is a noun formed from a bastardisation of the German 'naschen'. It is a verb, and can be construed into two distinct nouns. One, 'nosh', means simply 'food'. You have decided that this is what i meant and removed the 'a'. I am insulted enough that you think you have a better ear for English than me. But a better ear for Yiddish? I doubt it. Because the other noun, 'nosh' means "a session of eating" - in this sense you might think of its dual valency as being similar to that of 'scoff'. you can go for a scoff. or you can buy some scoff. the sentence you left me with is shit, and is not what i meant. Why would you change a sentnece aso that it meant something i didn't mean? I don't know, but you risk doing it every time you change something. And the way you avoid this kind of fuck up is by not changing a word of my copy without asking me, okay? it's easy. Not. A. Word. Ever.
2) I will now explain why your error is even more shit than it looks. You see, i was making a joke. I do that sometimes. I have set up the street as "sexually-charged". I have described the shenanigans across the road at G.A.Y.. I have used the word 'gaily' as a gentle nudge. And "looking for a nosh" has a secondary meaning of looking for a blowjob. Not specifically gay, for this is soho, and there are plenty of girls there who take money for noshing boys. "looking for nosh" does not have that ambiguity. the joke is gone. I only wrote that sodding paragraph to make that joke. And you've fucking stripped it out like a pissed Irish plasterer restoring a renaissance fresco and thinking jesus looks shit with a bear so plastering over it. You might as well have removed the whole paragraph. I mean, fucking christ, don't you read the copy?
3) And worst of all. Dumbest, deafest, shittest of all, you have removed the unstressed 'a' so that the stress that should have fallen on "nosh" is lost, and my piece ends on an unstressed syllable. When you're winding up a piece of prose, metre is crucial. Can't you hear? Can't you hear that it is wrong? It's not fucking rocket science. It's fucking pre-GCSE scansion. I have written 350 restaurant reviews for The Times and i have never ended on an unstressed syllable. Wankers. Fucking, fucking, cunts.
I am sorry if this looks petty (last time i mailed a Times sub about the change of a single word i got in all sorts of trouble) but i care deeply about my work and i hate to have it fucked up by shit subbing.
I want to murder this ponce
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DynagripBreak me a million heartsHoustonRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Neal Stephenson writes some pretty terrible sex scenes. But judging by the general atmosphere of the Baroque Cycle, I can never tell how much of that is intentional.
he writes pretty terrible women characters. they're pretty much just cum dumpsters
y. t. was not a cum dumpster
uh huh. pray tell how did she defeat the big bad inuit? or how much of the book did she talk about wanting to ride some dude's cock?
Uh-oh! A teenage girl with a sex drive! How awful!
"i slowly pulled back my hand and sensually balled it into a fist and with a loud grunt I rammed into her closed castle gates that barred my entry. Again, with anticipation and annoyance that these gates would not grant my goblin army passage I heaved that ho with all the force of my naruto ultimate technique..."
I always liked the one we came up with one time at my first restaurant gig:
"He thrust his purple-headed warrior into her quivering mound of love-pudding and spewed man-gravy like a fire hose."
Neal Stephenson writes some pretty terrible sex scenes. But judging by the general atmosphere of the Baroque Cycle, I can never tell how much of that is intentional.
he writes pretty terrible women characters. they're pretty much just cum dumpsters
y. t. was not a cum dumpster
uh huh. pray tell how did she defeat the big bad inuit? or how much of the book did she talk about wanting to ride some dude's cock?
Uh-oh! A teenage girl with a sex drive! How awful!
yes, that is exactly my complaint.
That's a silly complaint
...
I mean jeez man just because she's a girl doesn't mean she has to wear an ankle-high skirt and a little white cap and not look up and read her prayers every day before going to bed in a room that is bare but for a bed, a nightstand with a bible on it and a symbol of the cross above the bed.
I mean jeez guy this isn't the eighties anymore or some shit, where you clubbed women over the head and dragged them back to the cave so they could sit in a corner knitting loincloths from streched-out sabertooth tiger guts.
That's crazy
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DynagripBreak me a million heartsHoustonRegistered User, ClubPAregular
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I felt sorry for the female teachers and some peoples mothers.
"Oh you're somewhat attractive? BAM you're in the wank bank"
That is very sad, I used to llike that series (damn thinking about it I have not read one of those books in over ten years)
Amazon Wish List
So when your eyes fail you, you can still listen to that horrible sex scene.
That would be hilarious...
it is indeed!
Do you smell blackmail?
I smell blackmail.
My hopes have been smashed.
Oh shit.
Hold on. Did "Xanth" come from saying that guy's name too quickly? Did I miss out on this connection for over a decade or is it coincidence?
I am hoping this is a coincidence because I never noticed this either. However I will claim youthful ignorance because I was only 14-15 when I read those books.
Amazon Wish List
oskar talks about growing a "third drumstick," etc
I like to imagine everyone who reads this thread saying Piers Anthony's name out loud and then saying "Oh, dammit." Because that's what I just did.
Happily, Wikipedia says that it was unintentional. I bet he laughed himself blue when it was brought to his attention, though. It's his kind of joke.
"i slowly pulled back my hand and sensually balled it into a fist and with a loud grunt I rammed into her closed castle gates that barred my entry. Again, with anticipation and annoyance that these gates would not grant my goblin army passage I heaved that ho with all the force of my naruto ultimate technique..."
Uh-oh! A teenage girl with a sex drive! How awful!
This is my favourite sentence
This sir, is better than a hug from Jesus.
yes, that is exactly my complaint.
I've never quite understood how Piers Anthony pulled off what he always has with Xanth. There's so much juvenile bestiality implied in those books. I read 15-20 of them when I was younger. But man, in all the rest of his books, such as the Space Tyrant series and the Battle Circle trilogy, rape is pretty much a daily thing. People getting raped and murdered left and right. I enjoy reading everything of his, but I must say I was a bit jarred going from Xanth to Battle Circle.
by Lewis "Scooter" Libby
That's a silly complaint
Battle Circle was some kind of fucked up. There was that entire book that started with the mutant boy and the nine-year-old girl fighting naked on top of a mountain and then falling in love and having sexy adventures.
I think I'd managed to forget about most of that, but now it's all screaming back. Thanks a ton.
Although The Weaponless One was an extremely cool character, and I'd forgotten about him as well, so I suppose it all balances out. Sort of.
I want to murder this ponce
I always liked the one we came up with one time at my first restaurant gig:
"He thrust his purple-headed warrior into her quivering mound of love-pudding and spewed man-gravy like a fire hose."
I mean jeez man just because she's a girl doesn't mean she has to wear an ankle-high skirt and a little white cap and not look up and read her prayers every day before going to bed in a room that is bare but for a bed, a nightstand with a bible on it and a symbol of the cross above the bed.
I mean jeez guy this isn't the eighties anymore or some shit, where you clubbed women over the head and dragged them back to the cave so they could sit in a corner knitting loincloths from streched-out sabertooth tiger guts.
That's crazy