When I learned as a child that television broadcasts were emanating from earth out into space, where they might some day be received by alien intelligences, two thoughts occurred to me. First, that we were embarrassing ourselves on a cosmic scale. And second, that embarrassment might not be the worst of it. What would those unknown intelligences do once they traced the signal to its source?
Then we dispatched the Arecibo message, which contained the following information:
- Where we are.
- How many of us there are.
- What we're made of.
These are all things you want to know if you intend to launch an invasion. Or visit a smorgasbord. Did no one step in at any point to question whether we should be ringing the galactic dinner bell? Well, now it's too late.
You maniacs. You classy, classy maniacs. You finally did it.
You built an edifice of charity and gentility that reached to the stars. And out there, in the chill void of space, something horrible took notice.
They're coming to steal our women. Also our men, our pets, our livestock, our houseplants, and anything else that might fall under the general rubric of bio-mass. They're not going to get it without a fight.
And as befits the gentility of the Penny Arcade community, we're going to make sure it's a fair fight. Stealing our enemy's weapons to use against him clearly violates the spirit of the Marquess of Queensberry rules. So we'll be using our starting technology only
Furthermore, in keeping with the eleemosynary spirit of Child's Play, our budget will come exclusively from voluntary donations. No piracy or shady commercial enterprises are allowed. So we'll be restricted to council funding only
No alien artifacts will be used in battle or sold for profit. Nothing we research will be manufactured except the ship needed for the final mission. It'll be gunpowder, cattle prods, and cold war surplus fighter planes against the worst the galaxy has to offer.
WHAT'S ALL THIS THEN?
X-Com: UFO Defense is objectively
the greatest game
ever made. I volunteered to LP it with onerous gameplay restrictions if the Steam thread could raise $9000 for Child's Play in December. They raised over $9200. Buncha lunatics.
HASN'T THIS BEEN DONE BEFORE?
Many times, and I won't pretend to have Fishman's narrative flair
. On the other hand, I've tried to find an LP done on these particular terms and come up dry. Most challenge LPs seem to limit the strategic or the tactical side of the game, but not both. Perhaps we're breaking new ground here. Horrible, horrible ground.
A SMALL CONCESSION TO MODERNITY
We're going to use OpenXcom for this playthrough. It's an open source re-creation of the original engine that fixes all the bugs and provides an astonishing array
of new options and quality of life features. If you've ever wanted to try this game, but were put off by the semi-scrutable interface
, OpenXcom is for you.
SO, HOW DO I GET MY BRAINS BLOWN OUT FOR HUMANITY?
If you made a donation during the charity drive, your name is already in the pool; no further action required. Otherwise, !sign up
in the thread below.