Metzger MeisterIt Gets Worsebefore it gets any better.Registered Userregular
Nah. I'm a part time factory monkey. But! The company said they really liked me as an employee and my job or another one of equivalent function or whatever will be waiting for me if I ever wanna reapply, so. They genuinely are a good company to work for!
So I had a friend message me on facebook: they are a junior high teacher, and they have a trans male student who has expressed a desire to be called a preferred name besides their legal name and for people to use he/him pronouns when referrring to him. Unfortunately the parents of said child have told the staff "don't play along with this game" which is real shitty thing to say, of course. But this friend asked "so what do I do?" and I couldn't really give any advice other than "respect and believe the kid, hope the parents don't sue you if you keep on using his preferred name and pronouns. Also, figure out how the school administration feels about this. Hopefully they'll be supportive of the kid."
Does anyone here have any advice I could pass along to this friend?
Was the parent's request recorded in any way? Teach could conveniently forget that they asked, or even gaslight them with "I'd remember if you said that, you never did".
+2
Options
Metzger MeisterIt Gets Worsebefore it gets any better.Registered Userregular
So I had a friend message me on facebook: they are a junior high teacher, and they have a trans male student who has expressed a desire to be called a preferred name besides their legal name and for people to use he/him pronouns when referrring to him. Unfortunately the parents of said child have told the staff "don't play along with this game" which is real shitty thing to say, of course. But this friend asked "so what do I do?" and I couldn't really give any advice other than "respect and believe the kid, hope the parents don't sue you if you keep on using his preferred name and pronouns. Also, figure out how the school administration feels about this. Hopefully they'll be supportive of the kid."
Does anyone here have any advice I could pass along to this friend?
I really can't imagine being put in this situation. That's a whole heap of shit, dang
So I had a friend message me on facebook: they are a junior high teacher, and they have a trans male student who has expressed a desire to be called a preferred name besides their legal name and for people to use he/him pronouns when referrring to him. Unfortunately the parents of said child have told the staff "don't play along with this game" which is real shitty thing to say, of course. But this friend asked "so what do I do?" and I couldn't really give any advice other than "respect and believe the kid, hope the parents don't sue you if you keep on using his preferred name and pronouns. Also, figure out how the school administration feels about this. Hopefully they'll be supportive of the kid."
Does anyone here have any advice I could pass along to this friend?
Sounds like you gave good advice! Parents sucking isn't likely to be fixed by the teacher, sad as that is. But providing a supportive environment from an authority figure is good! Don't really see how gaslighting the parents would do any good, just supporting the kid and dealing with the rest as it comes up is probably all they can do, depending on school resources for this sort of thing.(which is probs not likely)
Pretty sure parents don't have legal grounds to force you to misgender their kid, but depending on if the school administration is decent people they may or may not be willing to support the teacher on this. I'd certainly make a point of respecting the kid as a default though.
+3
Options
minor incidentexpert in a dying fieldnjRegistered Userregular
Pretty sure parents don't have legal grounds to force you to misgender their kid, but depending on if the school administration is decent people they may or may not be willing to support the teacher on this. I'd certainly make a point of respecting the kid as a default though.
Oh, you'd be surprised how much of a living hell an angry parent can make the lives of teachers and school employees over something like this. I've heard stories of a school district having to hire an entire extra employee to deal with a parent's requests, and having to shoulder hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees.
But yes, if it wasn't recorded and instructed to the teacher by school administration, then fuck the parents, call the kid what they want to be called.
But the second the administration says otherwise, your hands are infuriatingly tied. The final bit of defiance would just be not using their first name (last name only, maybe?) and referring to the student as "they/them", which, while not ideal, is at the very least not fully giving in to the parent's frankly abusive demands.
Ah, it stinks, it sucks, it's anthropologically unjust
Does anyone here have any advice I could pass along to this friend?
@Curly_Brace you could direct your friend to GLSEN; they have resources, local chapters, and a network of teachers that're meant to come in handy for these sorts of scenarios.
in any case, I'm really sorry your friend and their student are in such a bind, and I hope that the other people on staff/other students can rally around them as needed.
+8
Options
Zonugal(He/Him) The Holiday ArmadilloI'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered Userregular
So I had a friend message me on facebook: they are a junior high teacher, and they have a trans male student who has expressed a desire to be called a preferred name besides their legal name and for people to use he/him pronouns when referrring to him. Unfortunately the parents of said child have told the staff "don't play along with this game" which is real shitty thing to say, of course. But this friend asked "so what do I do?" and I couldn't really give any advice other than "respect and believe the kid, hope the parents don't sue you if you keep on using his preferred name and pronouns. Also, figure out how the school administration feels about this. Hopefully they'll be supportive of the kid."
Does anyone here have any advice I could pass along to this friend?
I'd really emphasis your friend speaking to their school administration.
If they have their support they'll be fine, but they want to know what they can do from them first.
+4
Options
Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
Cycling in to work yesterday I noticed some new graffiti sprayed across the cycle path, but went over it too quickly to read what it said. Got a better look this morning. It says TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN in big pink letters.
There was another piece sprayed facing the opposite direction, will have to try and get a better look at that one tomorrow and figure out what it says.
smh if you don't embody all sins no matter what month it is
According to something I found called "The Bible" we all do, constantly
I'm tired of the Big Seven. I'm going to start branching out, see if I can bring some of these old school sins back into fashion, like touching or eating the carcass of a vulture. When vulture carcass sins break out in a big way in 2019, I want you all to remember that I was leading the way.
Realizing lately that I don't really trust or respect basically any of the moderators here. So, good luck with life, friends! Hit me up on Twitter @DesertLeviathan
Cycling in to work yesterday I noticed some new graffiti sprayed across the cycle path, but went over it too quickly to read what it said. Got a better look this morning. It says TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN in big pink letters.
There was another piece sprayed facing the opposite direction, will have to try and get a better look at that one tomorrow and figure out what it says.
It says "love trans people".
Thanks, random graffiti person, you made me smile on my cold dark commute.
Brovid Hasselsmof on
+60
Options
3cl1ps3I will build a labyrinth to house the cheeseRegistered Userregular
Cycling in to work yesterday I noticed some new graffiti sprayed across the cycle path, but went over it too quickly to read what it said. Got a better look this morning. It says TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN in big pink letters.
There was another piece sprayed facing the opposite direction, will have to try and get a better look at that one tomorrow and figure out what it says.
It says "love trans people".
Thanks, random graffiti person, you made me smile on my cold dark commute.
I was hoping for "THEY SURE ARE" but this is even better.
Just saw this shared on may facebook, and thought I'd share (I have no experience with these people, so I cannot give any personal advice) queermed.com
They do hormone prescriptions via telemedicine, so you don't need to go in to see them. (Except testosterone, which requires on in-person visit to begin, but the rest can be via webcam) They have offices in Alabama, Georgia, New York, North Carolina, South Carolina and Tennessee.
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
I asked my DayZ/PUBG group for different pronouns because I thought it would help me normalize my transness and maybe make me feel more confident. This is actually my second attempt, but it looks they're going to keep using male pronouns. I wish this wouldn't feel so disheartening. They're good people but I'm not sure what I can do.
I asked my DayZ/PUBG group for different pronouns because I thought it would help me normalize my transness and maybe make me feel more confident. This is actually my second attempt, but it looks they're going to keep using male pronouns. I wish this wouldn't feel so disheartening. They're good people but I'm not sure what I can do.
Don't sound like that good of people. That fuckin' sucks
Anecdotally speaking, it’s gonna be an issue you run into quite a bit. People you thought were good and respectful were only that way very conditionally, and you just happened to previously fall inside the bounds of what they like and are comfortable with . “Bad people can be nice” is a good thing to keep in the back of the mind
So this morning I went to the mall and did a bit of clothes shopping. I also made a bit of an impulsive decision at a kiosk and, whoops, I have earrings now!
3cl1ps3I will build a labyrinth to house the cheeseRegistered Userregular
Man when I was 19 and filling my ears with as much metal as I could reasonably get away with I had some fucking OPINIONS on where to get your ears pierced I tell you hwat
Now that I'm nearly 30 and have pared down to 2 piercings I realize that that is stupid so long as it's a reputable place with good sterile technique.
yay piercings!
+8
Options
Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
Hey @The Betgirl and @Gatsby I recently started working my way through the Trans Mission archive. It's been really interesting and validating to hear you guys talking, even if our experiences are from different angles, so cheers for making it. I don't know who Ashley is on here, sorry, but you make me laugh a lot.
Hey "The Betgirl" and Gatsby I recently started working my way through the Trans Mission archive. It's been really interesting and validating to hear you guys talking, even if our experiences are from different angles, so cheers for making it. I don't know who Ashley is on here, sorry, but you make me laugh a lot.
I asked my DayZ/PUBG group for different pronouns because I thought it would help me normalize my transness and maybe make me feel more confident. This is actually my second attempt, but it looks they're going to keep using male pronouns. I wish this wouldn't feel so disheartening. They're good people but I'm not sure what I can do.
Well I hope this doesn't end up with you feeling like you have to quit the group. Why fuckin' should YOU have to quit?
You're asking for something that would cost them literally nothing except the trivial effort of remembering. All I can suggest is a change of framing. Stop asking them to use your correct pronoun; start telling them. This isnt an optional kindness you're pleading for. This is basic respect you're owed.
+15
Options
AthenorBattle Hardened OptimistThe Skies of HiigaraRegistered Userregular
I asked my DayZ/PUBG group for different pronouns because I thought it would help me normalize my transness and maybe make me feel more confident. This is actually my second attempt, but it looks they're going to keep using male pronouns. I wish this wouldn't feel so disheartening. They're good people but I'm not sure what I can do.
Well I hope this doesn't end up with you feeling like you have to quit the group. Why fuckin' should YOU have to quit?
You're asking for something that would cost them literally nothing except the trivial effort of remembering. All I can suggest is a change of framing. Stop asking them to use your correct pronoun; start telling them. This isnt an optional kindness you're pleading for. This is basic respect you're owed.
I 100% agree with the above, so please don't take this as making excuses for your teammates...
Is it possibly a heat of the moment thing? One of the biggest things I grapple with as a white straight(?) cis guy is that mental hiccup involved with properly gendering people. I don't know many nonbinary or transgender folks in real life, and I constantly have to do a mental reframing for my good friend who I haven't seen since college and has since transitioned. I just can't seem to get myself to think about the person first and the gender second, at least not automatically. It bothers me to no end, and I can see myself slipping up hard if I were in the middle of something as intense as PUBG.
Again, this is no excuse. I want to get better, and it's part of why I come to this thread, to support my friends and better myself. My hope is that your teammates are at least at this level of making honest mistakes. If not, well, that really, REALLY sucks. =( I guess it comes down to if they've apologized or not.
I don’t get misgendered as much in public, though I went to Denver a week ago and people about it there were way worse, which was surprising? Constant bad looks and the most misgendering I’ve ever received, some of it definitely intentional in nature
Even work is doing well with it for the most part. That one coworker that I had that issue with just actually hasn’t addressed me at all since, which is aces, because she is shit
Still have bad days of course, never gonna get over those, but I did start seeing a specialist for some issues I was having from stuff in my past, doing some reading and it’s helping a lot. Gonna start seeing a proper therapist soon
I have to wait until at least december 6 to submit it, since that's my 1 year HRT anniversary. Might fail the application and have to resubmit january 30th since that's when I'm at a year with my psychiatrist's gender dysphoria diagnosis(but I have another diagnosis from my family doc so that might squeak me through.)
Once that goes in, it's 1-6 weeks for approval, and then 4-6 months on the waiting list for Brassard's clinic in Montreal.
So hopefully next summer? I want this so badly, urgh.
+23
Options
Zilla36021st Century. |She/Her|Trans* Woman In Aviators Firing A Bazooka. ⚛️Registered Userregular
Picture taken using a potato, so my eyes are the wrong colour.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the difference between gender identity and gender expression. It amazes me to still find surprises in this area.
Speaking as someone interested in anthropology, the memetic (not cat pics with funny captions) and genetic variety of our species is astounding to me in so much as I keep finding new variations.
Ya' all a cool bunch of neuro-connectomes.
(Note: link contains spoilers for the latest aired episodes. Highlights below are spoiler free.)
There’s a reason Alex Hirsch, the creator of Gravity Falls, believes Rebecca Sugar is “at the front of the pack” and “pulling everyone else along” with regards to representation in kids’ programming. “She really is the Moses parting the waves on this thing,” he tells EW.
Sugar tells EW it has been “extremely difficult” for her to earn this kind of visibility on Steven Universe, but acknowledges that large strides have been made. “When we started doing this in 2011, it was impossible and it has become possible over the last many years of working really hard to do this,” she explains.
“We need to let children know that they belong in this world,” she says. “You can’t wait to tell them that until after they grow up or the damage will be done. You have to tell them while they’re still children that they deserve love and that they deserve support and that people will be excited to hear their story. When you don’t show any children stories about LGBTQIA characters and then they grow up, they’re not going to tell their own stories because they’re gonna think that they’re inappropriate and they’re going to have a very good reason to think that because they’ve been told that through their entire childhood.”
what was interesting to me about the arc of this whole experience was that I ended up in many conversations where it was made clear to me that this was not something that should be in G-rated content and that there was a limit on how much we could show these characters, how close these characters could be with each other. And it was a little bit like staring into the sun because I felt the toll it was taking on my personal mental health and I realized that that is what is happening to millions of children because when this is not in this content, that is what is being said to them.
I've said this before, but I really love how Steven Universe has gradually become more and more overtly queer over the years. Plausible deniability has long since left the building.
(SU spoilers all the way up to season 5)
It was very subtle when it started out, with little hints at Pearl having feelings for Rose (Steven's late Mom).
Then Steven and his lady friend Connie fuse and become Stevonnie, an occasionally-recurring character who Sugar has confirmed to be nonbinary.
Then we get an episode late in the season that all but explicitly establishes that Pearl has romantic feelings for Rose.
Then we get a reveal in the season finale that Garnet, the leader of the Crystal Gems, is actually a fusion of two gems - Ruby and Sapphire - who love each other. This is immediately followed by Garnet doing a musical number about how unstoppable she is because she's made of love (aka: Stronger Than You), while beating up a major villain.
And that's just season one.
As the show goes on, it becomes clear that Rose was romantically involved with both Pearl and Steven's Dad, making her bisexual.
At one point we get a musical episode where one of the numbers is pearl explicitly and mournfully spelling out her feelings for Rose (aka: It's Over, Isn't It?), and it's probably the best one in the show.
We also get an episode where the plot is literally centered on Pearl (who is driving Steven and Amethyst to a garage band) repeatedly attempting to hit on a pink haired mystery girl, and it ends with her getting her phone number.
In the most recent episodes, Ruby and Sapphire get married and it's a really big thing leading to the end of season 5.
The show may have started out with a light queer touch, but by now it's basically got rainbows coming out of every orifice and I couldn't ask for more.
I had the best date of my life last night with a super cool and super pretty lady
We were texting afterward and I was like “uh hey so, I’m pretty into you” and she was like “yeah, I’m pretty into you too” and I was like “I know your work schedule is crazy but I really wanna see you again soon” and she was like “I’ll MAKE time for you” and my heart melted and ooh wow
Been a pretty long while since I felt this good about something
Posts
this is me, but with the sins reversed
ineedmayo.com Eidolon Journal Updated
Does anyone here have any advice I could pass along to this friend?
According to something I found called "The Bible" we all do, constantly
I really can't imagine being put in this situation. That's a whole heap of shit, dang
Sounds like you gave good advice! Parents sucking isn't likely to be fixed by the teacher, sad as that is. But providing a supportive environment from an authority figure is good! Don't really see how gaslighting the parents would do any good, just supporting the kid and dealing with the rest as it comes up is probably all they can do, depending on school resources for this sort of thing.(which is probs not likely)
Oh, you'd be surprised how much of a living hell an angry parent can make the lives of teachers and school employees over something like this. I've heard stories of a school district having to hire an entire extra employee to deal with a parent's requests, and having to shoulder hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees.
But yes, if it wasn't recorded and instructed to the teacher by school administration, then fuck the parents, call the kid what they want to be called.
But the second the administration says otherwise, your hands are infuriatingly tied. The final bit of defiance would just be not using their first name (last name only, maybe?) and referring to the student as "they/them", which, while not ideal, is at the very least not fully giving in to the parent's frankly abusive demands.
@Curly_Brace you could direct your friend to GLSEN; they have resources, local chapters, and a network of teachers that're meant to come in handy for these sorts of scenarios.
in any case, I'm really sorry your friend and their student are in such a bind, and I hope that the other people on staff/other students can rally around them as needed.
I'd really emphasis your friend speaking to their school administration.
If they have their support they'll be fine, but they want to know what they can do from them first.
There was another piece sprayed facing the opposite direction, will have to try and get a better look at that one tomorrow and figure out what it says.
I'm tired of the Big Seven. I'm going to start branching out, see if I can bring some of these old school sins back into fashion, like touching or eating the carcass of a vulture. When vulture carcass sins break out in a big way in 2019, I want you all to remember that I was leading the way.
Molly the Overachiever
A list of things, should you be of the gifting persuasion
Everything is a competition for Molly, but especially that.
It says "love trans people".
Thanks, random graffiti person, you made me smile on my cold dark commute.
I was hoping for "THEY SURE ARE" but this is even better.
queermed.com
They do hormone prescriptions via telemedicine, so you don't need to go in to see them. (Except testosterone, which requires on in-person visit to begin, but the rest can be via webcam) They have offices in Alabama, Georgia, New York, North Carolina, South Carolina and Tennessee.
Don't sound like that good of people. That fuckin' sucks
That means they’re not actually good people
Anecdotally speaking, it’s gonna be an issue you run into quite a bit. People you thought were good and respectful were only that way very conditionally, and you just happened to previously fall inside the bounds of what they like and are comfortable with . “Bad people can be nice” is a good thing to keep in the back of the mind
Now that I'm nearly 30 and have pared down to 2 piercings I realize that that is stupid so long as it's a reputable place with good sterile technique.
yay piercings!
Ashley is @Ms Dapper
Well I hope this doesn't end up with you feeling like you have to quit the group. Why fuckin' should YOU have to quit?
You're asking for something that would cost them literally nothing except the trivial effort of remembering. All I can suggest is a change of framing. Stop asking them to use your correct pronoun; start telling them. This isnt an optional kindness you're pleading for. This is basic respect you're owed.
I 100% agree with the above, so please don't take this as making excuses for your teammates...
Is it possibly a heat of the moment thing? One of the biggest things I grapple with as a white straight(?) cis guy is that mental hiccup involved with properly gendering people. I don't know many nonbinary or transgender folks in real life, and I constantly have to do a mental reframing for my good friend who I haven't seen since college and has since transitioned. I just can't seem to get myself to think about the person first and the gender second, at least not automatically. It bothers me to no end, and I can see myself slipping up hard if I were in the middle of something as intense as PUBG.
Again, this is no excuse. I want to get better, and it's part of why I come to this thread, to support my friends and better myself. My hope is that your teammates are at least at this level of making honest mistakes. If not, well, that really, REALLY sucks. =( I guess it comes down to if they've apologized or not.
Dates are happening, confidence levels are up
I don’t get misgendered as much in public, though I went to Denver a week ago and people about it there were way worse, which was surprising? Constant bad looks and the most misgendering I’ve ever received, some of it definitely intentional in nature
Even work is doing well with it for the most part. That one coworker that I had that issue with just actually hasn’t addressed me at all since, which is aces, because she is shit
Still have bad days of course, never gonna get over those, but I did start seeing a specialist for some issues I was having from stuff in my past, doing some reading and it’s helping a lot. Gonna start seeing a proper therapist soon
Things looking way up compared to a year ago!
I have to wait until at least december 6 to submit it, since that's my 1 year HRT anniversary. Might fail the application and have to resubmit january 30th since that's when I'm at a year with my psychiatrist's gender dysphoria diagnosis(but I have another diagnosis from my family doc so that might squeak me through.)
Once that goes in, it's 1-6 weeks for approval, and then 4-6 months on the waiting list for Brassard's clinic in Montreal.
So hopefully next summer? I want this so badly, urgh.
Picture taken using a potato, so my eyes are the wrong colour.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the difference between gender identity and gender expression. It amazes me to still find surprises in this area.
Speaking as someone interested in anthropology, the memetic (not cat pics with funny captions) and genetic variety of our species is astounding to me in so much as I keep finding new variations.
Ya' all a cool bunch of neuro-connectomes.
Steven Universe creator has done more for LGBTQ visibility than you might know
(Note: link contains spoilers for the latest aired episodes. Highlights below are spoiler free.)
If you haven't heard their episode on Queery, you really really need to listen to it.
(SU spoilers all the way up to season 5)
Then Steven and his lady friend Connie fuse and become Stevonnie, an occasionally-recurring character who Sugar has confirmed to be nonbinary.
Then we get an episode late in the season that all but explicitly establishes that Pearl has romantic feelings for Rose.
Then we get a reveal in the season finale that Garnet, the leader of the Crystal Gems, is actually a fusion of two gems - Ruby and Sapphire - who love each other. This is immediately followed by Garnet doing a musical number about how unstoppable she is because she's made of love (aka: Stronger Than You), while beating up a major villain.
And that's just season one.
As the show goes on, it becomes clear that Rose was romantically involved with both Pearl and Steven's Dad, making her bisexual.
At one point we get a musical episode where one of the numbers is pearl explicitly and mournfully spelling out her feelings for Rose (aka: It's Over, Isn't It?), and it's probably the best one in the show.
We also get an episode where the plot is literally centered on Pearl (who is driving Steven and Amethyst to a garage band) repeatedly attempting to hit on a pink haired mystery girl, and it ends with her getting her phone number.
In the most recent episodes, Ruby and Sapphire get married and it's a really big thing leading to the end of season 5.
The show may have started out with a light queer touch, but by now it's basically got rainbows coming out of every orifice and I couldn't ask for more.
The show even has autism rep. It's the best.
I had the best date of my life last night with a super cool and super pretty lady
We were texting afterward and I was like “uh hey so, I’m pretty into you” and she was like “yeah, I’m pretty into you too” and I was like “I know your work schedule is crazy but I really wanna see you again soon” and she was like “I’ll MAKE time for you” and my heart melted and ooh wow
Been a pretty long while since I felt this good about something