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Kids/Parenting: It’s fine, everything is fine.

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  • Jebus314Jebus314 Registered User regular
    What's everyone's experience with first words and talking? Lorelei just turned 17 months and according to my wife by 18 months kids are supposed to know 10-50 words and so far Lore is still in the babbling and gesturing stage of communication.

    I figure it's not a huge deal, she can clearly hear fine and she does communicate, there just aren't any recognizable words. She understands certain words, just not a talker I guess.

    As long as she follows directions (indicating she’s understands you), I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Kids sometimes learn at a different pace. My nephew just never talked until he was 3. No babbling, no made up words, no real words, nothing.

    Then one day he just started talking. Took him a little while to get completely caught up to other kids, but by the time he was 4 he was totally normal.

    "The world is a mess, and I just need to rule it" - Dr Horrible
    lonelyahavamatt has a problemBrodyCauld
  • RedTideRedTide Registered User regular
    Brody wrote: »
    Cauld wrote: »
    Brody wrote: »
    Yeah, it can be aggravating how often they come in to check, but they are doing that because you/your wife just went through a fairly traumatic physical experience, which can have lots of really bad side effects.

    I hear what you're saying, but would be nice if they could check the baby and mother at the same time instead of checking the baby and 15 minutes later checking the mother. And if you're sharing a room, then double the amount of interruptions.

    That definitely makes sense.

    True but most of the time momma isn't exactly going to check out when baby is still out of the room.

    That's not a judgemental thing mind you if your experience was different
    What's everyone's experience with first words and talking? Lorelei just turned 17 months and according to my wife by 18 months kids are supposed to know 10-50 words and so far Lore is still in the babbling and gesturing stage of communication.

    I figure it's not a huge deal, she can clearly hear fine and she does communicate, there just aren't any recognizable words. She understands certain words, just not a talker I guess.

    Both of my kids are/were verbal early but generally speaking if a kid has zero recognizable words at 18 months you should be doing legwork and getting an evaluation for a speech delay. At 21 months generally speaking you've waited too long.

    It's super common and therapy will typically get them caught up pretty quickly.

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  • HevachHevach Registered User regular
    edited May 31
    Our first talked early, by 18 months he was over 50. Our second at 18 months had maybe 3 or 4 and couldn't say a lot of consonants clearly. Daycare and pediatrician both said out expectations were distorted by the first, who always seemed to be on a developmental fast track.

    Before COVID shut them down he was assessed by a speech specialist who scored him high on recognition, but low on communication. We were given reassuring news then that recognition is the one that usually signals a developmental problem, but he still qualified for speech therapy. Then COVID reached Michigan and we were given a DIY speech therapy packet that was less than helpful. But this is definitely the first step to take.

    At 3 he's now ahead of his age (and actually ahead of his brother at the same age) for understanding and vocabulary, but does have a speech impediment and is in speech therapy, which could be related, particularly since he couldn't get speech therapy last year after his assessment. That shouldn't be a problem now.

    Speech therapy in much of the US is available through your local school district, even if they're not school age yet, so insurance or money shouldn't be an issue.

    Hevach on
    RedTide
  • MNC DoverMNC Dover Full-time Voice Actor Kirkland, WARegistered User regular
    Abigail spoke a few words before 2, then decided that talking would be a new non-stop thing in her life.

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  • HappylilElfHappylilElf Registered User regular
    edited June 1
    Mojo_Jojo wrote: »
    What's everyone's experience with first words and talking? Lorelei just turned 17 months and according to my wife by 18 months kids are supposed to know 10-50 words and so far Lore is still in the babbling and gesturing stage of communication.

    I figure it's not a huge deal, she can clearly hear fine and she does communicate, there just aren't any recognizable words. She understands certain words, just not a talker I guess.

    There's huge variation. Nending is eighteen months old and is at maybe one word ("no"). It's not worth worrying about for another six months

    Yup. My friend's daughter Avery was speaking in full sentences by 18 months and another friend's son CJ didn't start consistently using words until he was almost 3. And by that point Avery was already sounding like she should be in 5th or 6th grade.

    It's kind of insane how much variation there is.

    Sidenote: Conversing with a 3 1/2 year old who sounds like they should be in middle school/early high school is a surreal and almost unsettling experience. It almost feels like you're in the beginning of a horror movie or something :lol:

    HappylilElf on
    Antinumeric
  • schussschuss Registered User regular
    If they're getting all their communication needs met by gestures, they have no need for language. Our first didn't start meaningfully talking until we stopped responding to grunt and point.

  • Kayne Red RobeKayne Red Robe Master of Magic ArcanusRegistered User regular
    schuss wrote: »
    If they're getting all their communication needs met by gestures, they have no need for language. Our first didn't start meaningfully talking until we stopped responding to grunt and point.

    Aw man, grunt and point is half of my communication methods too though.

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  • tbloxhamtbloxham Registered User regular
    Mojo_Jojo wrote: »
    What's everyone's experience with first words and talking? Lorelei just turned 17 months and according to my wife by 18 months kids are supposed to know 10-50 words and so far Lore is still in the babbling and gesturing stage of communication.

    I figure it's not a huge deal, she can clearly hear fine and she does communicate, there just aren't any recognizable words. She understands certain words, just not a talker I guess.

    There's huge variation. Nending is eighteen months old and is at maybe one word ("no"). It's not worth worrying about for another six months

    Yup. My friend's daughter Avery was speaking in full sentences by 18 months and another friend's son CJ didn't start consistently using words until he was almost 3. And by that point Avery was already sounding like she should be in 5th or 6th grade.

    It's kind of insane how much variation there is.

    Sidenote: Conversing with a 3 1/2 year old who sounds like they should be in middle school/early high school is a surreal and almost unsettling experience. It almost feels like your in the beginning of a horror movie or something :lol:

    Also, some stereotypes are true and girls on average speak earlier and in more advanced ways than boys. So the average of both is pretty meaningless for evaluating one.

    "That is cool" - Abraham Lincoln
  • urahonkyurahonky Dayton, OHRegistered User regular
    What's everyone's experience with first words and talking? Lorelei just turned 17 months and according to my wife by 18 months kids are supposed to know 10-50 words and so far Lore is still in the babbling and gesturing stage of communication.

    I figure it's not a huge deal, she can clearly hear fine and she does communicate, there just aren't any recognizable words. She understands certain words, just not a talker I guess.

    My oldest was about 2.5 years old when she started actually talking. Until then she'd whine and nod. She knew what we said she just didn't respond. Now she won't stop talking.

  • RedTideRedTide Registered User regular
    So the consensus answer is do nothing

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  • HevachHevach Registered User regular
    Not really do nothing - just don't worry. An assessment by a speech therapist can't hurt. Your pediatrician can refer you, and like I said in a lot of states that's actually part of the public school system and so only requires some paperwork hoop jumping on your part.

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  • dennisdennis Executive Peasant Registered User regular
    urahonky wrote: »
    What's everyone's experience with first words and talking? Lorelei just turned 17 months and according to my wife by 18 months kids are supposed to know 10-50 words and so far Lore is still in the babbling and gesturing stage of communication.

    I figure it's not a huge deal, she can clearly hear fine and she does communicate, there just aren't any recognizable words. She understands certain words, just not a talker I guess.

    My oldest was about 2.5 years old when she started actually talking. Until then she'd whine and nod. She knew what we said she just didn't respond. Now she won't stop talking.

    According to my mom, this was pretty much me. Up until 3, I didn't really talk much. She said I could talk and say things like, "no, I don't want that", I just hardly ever did. I understood, but didn't have much to say. Then at 3, the floodgates opened and "you would never shut up."

    And now I'm in my 40s, making tldr forum posts. I fear what this trajectory means for my chances at the retirement home.

    urahonky
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    Ellie definitely understood us at about 18 months. And she totally had a bunch of words.

    But we forced the issue a lot by constantly repeating "use your words" whenever she pointed and grunted.

    Especially if we knew that she knew the word. If she didn't know it, we would supply the words and then wait for her to repeat. It didn't need to be exact, or even close at all. But an attempt to name the thing she wanted was rewarded faster than point and grunt.

    There a trick that we seem to think that they need to use the exact words or is not right. If that's the word that they gave for that thing, and it's consistent, then it's the right word. Just like baby sign. It might not be the exact sign used in adult sign, it even the sign that you were trying to use for that thing. But if they can get their point across to you and your understand it, then it's working.


    I wouldn't worry too much. If the kid can show they know what you want, then it may be time to start trying to pull words from them. Or, they will speak in their own time.



    And then, they won't stop.

  • HydropoloHydropolo Registered User regular
    My kids were VASTLY diffferent. First was speaking with clear pronunciation around 9-12 months (I mostly remember specifics because of the time he was in the hospital....) At about 4 years old he was communicating regularly in Spanish and a bit in English. We went to the US for 2 weeks and he's been regular in both since. Daughter I kept getting concerned about, because she was MUCH slower, almost twice the time. She's still pronouncing words more "kid like", though we are working on it. That said, she had much more ability with physical movement than my son, learning to walk sooner and the like.

  • CauldCauld Registered User regular
    My 4yr old started talking when he was about 2. My younger kid who is almost 2 now still mostly points and grunts, but he's starting to say some words. We have a bilingual household and that often results in delays. He understands a lot so I'm not really concerned.

  • CorvusCorvus . VancouverRegistered User regular
    I honestly don’t remember when our eldest started talking. I think by 1.

    We did a little bit of baby sign language with him, and he could tell us simple things like he wanted more food by signing before he could talk

    :so_raven:
    ElvenshaeSleepCauldlonelyahava
  • MulysaSemproniusMulysaSempronius but also susie nyRegistered User regular
    We went to a speech therapist when my son was ~20 months, because he had some words, but had a lot of melt-downs over not being able to express himself. It helped him a lot in expressing himself and developing the speech/words he needed to use. He was right on the edge of needing help, but we figured it was better to get the help and not 100% "need" it then to have him struggle.
    I suppose the number of words isn't as important as how they are handling it? Kids do progress at their own rate, and I've always been annoyed at specific milestone numbers. Delayed speech could be an indication of something else, or it could just be your kid being a kid. I tend to go more towards the side of getting an evaluation, and listening to expert opinions if I have questions. Starting with pediatrician, and moving from there at their recommendation.

    If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
    ElvenshaeRedTide
  • urahonkyurahonky Dayton, OHRegistered User regular
    Took the kids to the public pool today... I've never been to one since I was super young... Is there a reason they had us get out of the pool every 45 minutes for 15 minutes? I thought it was break time right at 345pm but they did it at 445pm as well.

  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    urahonky wrote: »
    Took the kids to the public pool today... I've never been to one since I was super young... Is there a reason they had us get out of the pool every 45 minutes for 15 minutes? I thought it was break time right at 345pm but they did it at 445pm as well.

    Thats how it was when I was growing up (the period was called "adult swim" and the lifeguards weren't strictly on duty during that period) and at the pool we've recently been going to.

    I've heard a variety of reasons, never actually followed up on why lol. Kids need rest, lifeguards need rest, need to clean parts of the pool regularly, need to give some time for adults to swim without the ruckus of a thousand kids splashing...

    It's probably a combination of some of those with others being lies I was told :D

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  • SleepSleep Registered User regular
    It's a combination of all those things, Also it's basically a way to do a buddy check without a widely enforced buddy system. So if it's super busy as shit you you can get in a check that there's maybe no kids gone missing in our around the pool cause they all have to get out of the pool and likely find either all the other kids they came with, or the adults they came with. Its not a guarantee but it's a way to cut the chaos for 15 minutes and get a sanity check if it's been too busy to keep actual head counts.

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  • RedTideRedTide Registered User regular
    We went to a speech therapist when my son was ~20 months, because he had some words, but had a lot of melt-downs over not being able to express himself. It helped him a lot in expressing himself and developing the speech/words he needed to use. He was right on the edge of needing help, but we figured it was better to get the help and not 100% "need" it then to have him struggle.
    I suppose the number of words isn't as important as how they are handling it? Kids do progress at their own rate, and I've always been annoyed at specific milestone numbers. Delayed speech could be an indication of something else, or it could just be your kid being a kid. I tend to go more towards the side of getting an evaluation, and listening to expert opinions if I have questions. Starting with pediatrician, and moving from there at their recommendation.

    My view on it has been that there's little cost to an evaluation - it shouldn't be much of an ordeal but the payoff if you catch something early is tremendous.

    Something we struggled with is that our second, despite being ahead the curve on milestones sometimes struggles with finding the right words and has something of a hellacious temper.

    So we constantly found ourselves anticipating her needs instead of helping her develop the ability to communicate what she wants.

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  • Jebus314Jebus314 Registered User regular
    RedTide wrote: »
    We went to a speech therapist when my son was ~20 months, because he had some words, but had a lot of melt-downs over not being able to express himself. It helped him a lot in expressing himself and developing the speech/words he needed to use. He was right on the edge of needing help, but we figured it was better to get the help and not 100% "need" it then to have him struggle.
    I suppose the number of words isn't as important as how they are handling it? Kids do progress at their own rate, and I've always been annoyed at specific milestone numbers. Delayed speech could be an indication of something else, or it could just be your kid being a kid. I tend to go more towards the side of getting an evaluation, and listening to expert opinions if I have questions. Starting with pediatrician, and moving from there at their recommendation.

    My view on it has been that there's little cost to an evaluation - it shouldn't be much of an ordeal but the payoff if you catch something early is tremendous.

    Something we struggled with is that our second, despite being ahead the curve on milestones sometimes struggles with finding the right words and has something of a hellacious temper.

    So we constantly found ourselves anticipating her needs instead of helping her develop the ability to communicate what she wants.

    We're just getting into the temper stage and it is super hard to help them work on stuff when you brain is telling you to just give them whatever they want to get them to calm down. I'm still not sure how to approach situations where she just breaks down. Let her calm down on her own? Try calming activities that are not what she is asking for/causing the break down? Tell her she can have what she wants but only if she calms down? It's tough.

    Right now the only thing I think we've actually taught her is that she can get whatever she wants, she just has to remember to say please first. Which is not great, but I guess she will at least be a semi-polite monster.

    "The world is a mess, and I just need to rule it" - Dr Horrible
  • urahonkyurahonky Dayton, OHRegistered User regular
    ...and suddenly Adult Swim on Cartoon Network makes sense!

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  • daveNYCdaveNYC Why universe hate Waspinator? Registered User regular
    kime wrote: »
    urahonky wrote: »
    Took the kids to the public pool today... I've never been to one since I was super young... Is there a reason they had us get out of the pool every 45 minutes for 15 minutes? I thought it was break time right at 345pm but they did it at 445pm as well.

    Thats how it was when I was growing up (the period was called "adult swim" and the lifeguards weren't strictly on duty during that period) and at the pool we've recently been going to.

    I've heard a variety of reasons, never actually followed up on why lol. Kids need rest, lifeguards need rest, need to clean parts of the pool regularly, need to give some time for adults to swim without the ruckus of a thousand kids splashing...

    It's probably a combination of some of those with others being lies I was told :D

    Also works as a mandatory bathroom break.

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  • ArtereisArtereis Registered User regular
    Tomorrow morning, I'm taking my wife in for her C-section, and we'll get to meet our daughter. I haven't really processed everything, yet. It's hard to believe the 9 months are already up, and that there's actually a baby in her belly and not just some mutated spleen.

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  • RedTideRedTide Registered User regular
    Jebus314 wrote: »
    RedTide wrote: »
    We went to a speech therapist when my son was ~20 months, because he had some words, but had a lot of melt-downs over not being able to express himself. It helped him a lot in expressing himself and developing the speech/words he needed to use. He was right on the edge of needing help, but we figured it was better to get the help and not 100% "need" it then to have him struggle.
    I suppose the number of words isn't as important as how they are handling it? Kids do progress at their own rate, and I've always been annoyed at specific milestone numbers. Delayed speech could be an indication of something else, or it could just be your kid being a kid. I tend to go more towards the side of getting an evaluation, and listening to expert opinions if I have questions. Starting with pediatrician, and moving from there at their recommendation.

    My view on it has been that there's little cost to an evaluation - it shouldn't be much of an ordeal but the payoff if you catch something early is tremendous.

    Something we struggled with is that our second, despite being ahead the curve on milestones sometimes struggles with finding the right words and has something of a hellacious temper.

    So we constantly found ourselves anticipating her needs instead of helping her develop the ability to communicate what she wants.

    We're just getting into the temper stage and it is super hard to help them work on stuff when you brain is telling you to just give them whatever they want to get them to calm down. I'm still not sure how to approach situations where she just breaks down. Let her calm down on her own? Try calming activities that are not what she is asking for/causing the break down? Tell her she can have what she wants but only if she calms down? It's tough.

    Right now the only thing I think we've actually taught her is that she can get whatever she wants, she just has to remember to say please first. Which is not great, but I guess she will at least be a semi-polite monster.

    Working them through it and just helping them learn how to communicate their wants is step one. Politeness and knowing how to ask nicely is also good but gotta get through the first part first.

    When they're little tantrums aren't a tactic or manipulation but usually just their emotions run wild. If you know why they're upset, walk them through with a little narrative "I know you're feeling <emotion>, name why and talk about taking deep breaths and calming down and how things are going to be figured out"

    If you don't know what's wrong just start by acknowledging their emotion, walk them through calming down and talk about figuring it out together. If this seems like much based on where your kids communication skills are out always remember that their receptive language is way ahead of spoken and that it helps to use consistent language and vocabulary in these situations since they'll pick it up quicker if there is a gap there

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  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    edited June 4
    It could be the Jim Beam Orange speaking, but just want to share my thoughts as i sit here in my grandparent's (both deceased) farmhouse on the night before i host a casual BBQ memorial service for my father to the extended family.

    He died due to COVID-19 and the inoperable brain tumor that came back. He retired almost twenty years prior so had a good life and got to enjoy a good chunk of it doing what he wanted. Which included spending a in lot of time here, leaving his wife - my mother - at home.

    So mixed feeling all around

    For me, this really made us promise to ourselves we would not leave or daughter to clean up the mess he left for us, both physical and financial. Of course things happen, but this was declining for years.

    Be good to your kids. They will mostly remember the good times. But also make sure to leave them in as best place as possible to regardless of financial situation; like make a will, share your desires re life support, burial, etc.

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  • RaynagaRaynaga Registered User regular
    edited June 5
    xnwx05lb4zae.jpg

    I am OK with this. Timelapse defeat.

    Raynaga on
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  • dennisdennis Executive Peasant Registered User regular
    I'm happy to say that Virtual School Year 2020-2021 is over.

    v994cog2q6c0.jpg

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  • ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    My son is enjoying a bit of (very) local fame this week.

    There's a podcast that a bunch of his friends / classmates / teacher all listen to (possibly in-class each day?).

    Anyway, he wrote in and got them to give a shoutout on-air to "Mrs. X's class at [Elementary]" and everyone went absolutely nuts. :D

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  • dennisdennis Executive Peasant Registered User regular
    After about a week of a steep decline, my 17 year old cat died this morning. I tried to prepare the kids for it as much as possible. She'd been in pretty poor health for a few years now, rail thin and just hanging on. This magnificent 12 pound Maine Coon was probably somewhat under 6 pounds.

    I think it went as well for them as could be expected. My 9.5 y.o. took it in his typical can't-quite-empathize kind of of way that screams "yes, I am solidly on the spectrum." I tried to help him connect with it, though, and he agreed he was glad she wasn't hurting anymore. He also immediately wanted to vacuum up all the litter and throw out all her stuff today, so... *shrug* He is very concerned with animal welfare, though, so sometimes I feel it's uncharitable when I think he can't empathize.

    My 4.5 y.o. definitely had the sads. She was crying, and was unhappy she didn't get to see her after she died (at 5am). I had already buried her under a favorite tree and tried to get some sleep. We spread flower petals and (her addition) leaves and bark on the grave, and that seemed to comfort her.

    This was their first real encounter with death, and I'd been trying to put in the work over the last year or so. All I guess I can do is try to not make it horrible for them. Because death really sucks, and I hate it.

  • HappylilElfHappylilElf Registered User regular
    dennis wrote: »
    After about a week of a steep decline, my 17 year old cat died this morning. I tried to prepare the kids for it as much as possible. She'd been in pretty poor health for a few years now, rail thin and just hanging on. This magnificent 12 pound Maine Coon was probably somewhat under 6 pounds.

    I think it went as well for them as could be expected. My 9.5 y.o. took it in his typical can't-quite-empathize kind of of way that screams "yes, I am solidly on the spectrum." I tried to help him connect with it, though, and he agreed he was glad she wasn't hurting anymore. He also immediately wanted to vacuum up all the litter and throw out all her stuff today, so... *shrug* He is very concerned with animal welfare, though, so sometimes I feel it's uncharitable when I think he can't empathize.

    My 4.5 y.o. definitely had the sads. She was crying, and was unhappy she didn't get to see her after she died (at 5am). I had already buried her under a favorite tree and tried to get some sleep. We spread flower petals and (her addition) leaves and bark on the grave, and that seemed to comfort her.

    This was their first real encounter with death, and I'd been trying to put in the work over the last year or so. All I guess I can do is try to not make it horrible for them. Because death really sucks, and I hate it.

    Aw that sucks, I'm sorry for your loss. Losing pets is always such bullshit.

    It sounds like you're doing a great job of parenting the way through this with the small humans though.

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  • dennisdennis Executive Peasant Registered User regular
    Thanks. I started thinking back. I say first real encounter, but another cat of mine died (at the age of 18, also with a steep decline) about 5 years ago. That puts my 9.5 y.o. at the 4.5 y.o., the same age as my daughter. But she has so much more emotional maturity than he did at this age (or, to some degree, now). And I had her euthanized when she was still able to get up and around, because she was obviously in so much distress. And she was cremated with the ashes coming like a week later. So the whole process was much more abstract.

    This time he was actively involved in her last days, helping to give her more time outside, just lying in the grass at the end.

  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    We took our indoor kitty outside a few times at the end too.

    Just seemed right to let him be outside.

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  • dennisdennis Executive Peasant Registered User regular
    This was a cat that, at best, tolerated human companionship. Okay, so my wife did charm her into being a lay-on-your-stomach-and-knead-your-chest cat once or twice. But that was an pretty rare. Her preference would be to have escaped her sentence and live out the rest of her days murdering as many small creatures as she could. And given she was the most feral of all the pets I ever have, I think that number would have been astronomical.

    So my daughter didn't exactly have the warmest feeling toward her when she was alive. About two weeks ago, when I was trying to get the conversation started, she said "And when Pando[ra] is gone, we'll get a new cat or dog." I said, no, that wasn't the plan. That was when she first started crying over the idea of death. Especially because she said eventually our dog would die, and we'd have no pets. I then told her when she grew up and had her own house, she could have pets. I was corrected, with her saying that when she grew up she'd be living with Mom and Dad. She wasn't budging on that one.

  • urahonkyurahonky Dayton, OHRegistered User regular
    These cicadas need to get the fuck out. My kids have been inside all day everyday because of them.

  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    Wife got me the best gift (a pun) on Father's Day*:
    j18s2wzjxr75.jpg

    *Also the gift is great too.
    Founding Fathers

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  • MNC DoverMNC Dover Full-time Voice Actor Kirkland, WARegistered User regular
    edited June 20
    My son threw up sometime last night and didn't wake anyone up. His hair, sheets, and PJs were coated in dried vomit. So happy father's day to me. :biggrin:

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  • Mojo_JojoMojo_Jojo We are only now beginning to understand the full power and ramifications of sexual intercourse Registered User regular
    MNC Dover wrote: »
    My son threw up sometime last night and didn't wake anyone up. His hair, sheets, and PJs were coated in dried vomit. So happy father's day to me. :bigg

    My youngest called it a night at 2am. Which is probably a new record of times I've woken up and not gone back to bed. So I've been a zombie.

    She was excited when I unwrapped the wonderful art creation she'd made for me though, which was nice to see.

    Homogeneous distribution of your varieties of amuse-gueule
    MichaelLCKayne Red RobeCarpymatt has a problemwobblyheadedbobElvenshae
  • CorvusCorvus . VancouverRegistered User regular
    MNC Dover wrote: »
    My son threw up sometime last night and didn't wake anyone up. His hair, sheets, and PJs were coated in dried vomit. So happy father's day to me. :bigg

    My biggest warning to people expecting their first is “there are a lot of fluids”

    :so_raven:
    MNC DoverElvenshaeDisruptedCapitalist
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