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[Queer] thread: A Gay ‘Ol Time

1356752

Posts

  • Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    I feel like there was zero benefit to transitioning as late as I did, I wish I'd done it 20 years ago.

    aStoryAboutYouMsAnthropyPirateQueenjaziek
  • SeidkonaSeidkona Had an upgrade Registered User regular
    I mean there's no benefit. . .

    I wish I had come out and stayed out the first time but I didn't. I probably wouldn't have gone as far in my career If I had so there's that.

    Life coming out in 2003 was very different.

    Mostly just huntin' monsters.
    XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
    MsAnthropyPirateQueenElldrenmarz_1982
  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    There’s a very real benefit in transitioning late if you are dependent on your family for shelter. I wasn’t in the best financial situation when I came out, but I had a support network and an actual trans-friendly job which goes a long way. It really comes down to what you can tolerate, as I know I would have been a lot better off if I had held off like six months longer, but I couldn’t wait any longer.

    This is not advocating staying in the closet, but just the grim reality of specific situations and how holding off a bit longer might be wise. Shit, I still regret not going it sooner, even if it did keep me off the street.

    YL9WnCY.png
    PirateQueenSeidkonaBahamutZEROCurly_BracepimentoJaysonFourWeedLordVegetaShadowen
  • Phoenix-DPhoenix-D Registered User regular
    Congrats Eva : )

    Have some of you experienced some benefits of transitioning later btw?

    Like, maybe being taken more seriously by healthcare professionals and not being told you're "too young to decide"?
    Or greater stability in your career and close relationships that will be helpful as a support system and that weren't there when you were younger?

    The first one instantly turns into you're too old/ would have known from those same people. There's no ok age in their heads!

    PlatyMsAnthropyPirateQueenFencingsaxBahamutZEROSorcepimentoJaysonFourGrogRhesus PositiveOut Of ContextApocalyptusWeedLordVegeta
  • MsAnthropyMsAnthropy The Lady of Pain Breaks the Rhythm, Breaks the Rhythm, Breaks the Rhythm The City of FlowersRegistered User regular
    I suppose doing things later in my career meant I could more easily pay for transition, but I honestly don’t think it is anywhere near an even trade. Being closeted was a miserable experience that left me wanting to die. When I tried coming out at the work the first time, the entire department I ran suddenly became expendable despite the fact that our ROI was insane. Im just lucky I found a better place for attempt number 2.

    More than that transitioning at 40 basically means I only get to really live half of my life in any kind of rewarding or authentic way. I have had to deal with a ton of rage and grief over the experiences I didn’t get to have. I resent the fact that I didn’t get to live through my 20s and 30s as myself.

    Luscious Sounds Spotify Playlist

    "The only real politics I knew was that if a guy liked Hitler, I’d beat the stuffing out of him and that would be it." -- Jack Kirby
    PirateQueenmysticjuicerElldrenSeidkonaBahamutZEROPoketpixiepimentoBrovid HasselsmofOut Of Context
  • PirateQueenPirateQueen Registered User regular
    So sorry to hear what a tough battle you had to fight to be your authentic self MsAnthropy
    You sound like a remarkably resilient person

    That sounds like you were in a really unbearable situation Sterica - glad to hear you were able to get good support from your job and friend network when you came out**

    After you pointed that out Phoenix-D, I actually see how age is just used as an excuse to deny people agency regardless of when they decide to transition. Thanks for that insight!

    Thanks for the honest responses to you, Pimento, Brovid Hasselsmof and ​Seidkona

    To be clear, I am also not advocating that anyone should delay coming out when ready and hiding instead of being themselves
    I just asked because I noticed several friends and colleagues coming out and/or transitioning later (due to not having supportive or safe circumstances before) and hoped there might be some perks

  • LucedesLucedes might be real Registered User regular
    i wish i had known more about myself earlier in life, because college would have gone way better if i had figured out my shit before it rather than just after.

    King RiptorBahamutZEROMsAnthropyPirateQueenDisruptedCapitalist
  • UnbrokenEvaUnbrokenEva HIGH ON THE WIRE BUT I WON'T TRIP ITRegistered User regular
    edited July 2021
    So sorry to hear what a tough battle you had to fight to be your authentic self MsAnthropy
    You sound like a remarkably resilient person

    That sounds like you were in a really unbearable situation Sterica - glad to hear you were able to get good support from your job and friend network when you came out**

    After you pointed that out Phoenix-D, I actually see how age is just used as an excuse to deny people agency regardless of when they decide to transition. Thanks for that insight!

    Thanks for the honest responses to you, Pimento, Brovid Hasselsmof and ​Seidkona

    To be clear, I am also not advocating that anyone should delay coming out when ready and hiding instead of being themselves
    I just asked because I noticed several friends and colleagues coming out and/or transitioning later (due to not having supportive or safe circumstances before) and hoped there might be some perks

    if nothing else, a perk is that they're not doing it even later.

    For my own sake I'm trying my best to look at this the same way as I looked at my equally very late ADHD diagnosis last year. I'm not going to let myself worry about how things might have been different had I figured it out sooner because that's not going to help anything. Instead it's about how much better things can be going forward, and focusing on that.

    UnbrokenEva on
    MsAnthropyPirateQueenElldren
  • JarsJars Registered User regular
    man you actually got a diagnosis as an adult? I have been trying to get an adult diagnosis for a mental disability and it fucking sucks. it's just a continuation of when I was a child where if you can do your math and your reading everything's fine when it is definitely not fine

  • UnbrokenEvaUnbrokenEva HIGH ON THE WIRE BUT I WON'T TRIP ITRegistered User regular
    Jars wrote: »
    man you actually got a diagnosis as an adult? I have been trying to get an adult diagnosis for a mental disability and it fucking sucks. it's just a continuation of when I was a child where if you can do your math and your reading everything's fine when it is definitely not fine

    yeah, I had to find a psychologist that specialized in this sort of thing, had a consultation where I did this weird computer reaction test*, had a conversation about my history, school, etc, got some pages of questions for me and if possible people who knew me well to fill out, and then a second meeting to go over the diagnosis.

    (*= the computer reaction test was the one thing that DIDN'T point to ADHD, though the doctor had an explanation for that...)

    BahamutZEROasofyeun3cl1ps3mysticjuicertzeentchlingJaysonFouradmanbPirateQueen21stCenturyJedocElldrenCurly_Bracenever dieaStoryAboutYouApocalyptusZonugalFleur de AlysWeedLordVegetaShadowenFoolOnTheHill
  • BahamutZEROBahamutZERO Registered User regular
    I'm sorry, Eva, it's terminal

    BahamutZERO.gif
    UnbrokenEvaasofyeunMsAnthropy3cl1ps3LucedesRhesus PositiveElldrenEvilCakeZonugalFleur de AlysWeedLordVegetaShadowenFoolOnTheHill
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    So.

    Been thinking, and this is the least dumb of this dumb question that I can come up with.


    Can a person's sexuality change over time?


    First look I want to say maybe?

    I've been doing thinking about how I'm comfortable with the demisexual label, but then I remember back to my younger days and all the causal sex. And I'm pretty sure that I enjoyed the sex and was attracted to my partners back then.

    But does that change the demisexual label? Was I really into them? Was I just don't it because society expected casual sex in university and so I did that? Have I gotten more ace as I've gotten older? Am I really demi? Or is something else going on? How do I take who I used to be and relate her to who I am now? Are they even the same me?



    Blah. Am I being weird?

    That's rhetorical.

  • BahamutZEROBahamutZERO Registered User regular
    Yes it absolutely can.

    BahamutZERO.gif
    FencingsaxSorcePoketpixieGnizmo3cl1ps3MsAnthropylonelyahavatzeentchlingpimentoLucedesJaysonFourkimeinitiatefailurePirateQueenGrogDouglasDangerMx. QuillElldrenPerrsunPhoenix-DUsaginever dieaStoryAboutYouApocalyptusLabelEvilCakeZonugalFleur de AlysWeedLordVegetaShadowen
  • WeaverWeaver Who are you? What do you want?Registered User regular
    Realizing that I'm agender earlier certainly could have changed a lot, but I sort of feel it happened when it needed to happen.

    PirateQueen
  • UnbrokenEvaUnbrokenEva HIGH ON THE WIRE BUT I WON'T TRIP ITRegistered User regular
    Repost from the last thread, but I think relevant and potentially helpful here?


    PoketpixieToxmysticjuicerlonelyahavaHi I'm Vee!BahamutZEROMsAnthropyFencingsaxpimentoLucedesadmanbPirateQueenDepressperadoSatanic JesusZibblsnrtCurly_BraceTefnever dieaStoryAboutYouLabel
  • SorceSorce Not ThereRegistered User regular
    Yes it absolutely can.
    I agree, with the addendum that mental/emotional states in general can affect that sort of thing too.

    sig.gif
    BahamutZEROpimento
  • BahamutZEROBahamutZERO Registered User regular
    I'm sorry, Eva, it's terminal

    I forgot everyone already made this joke when you made that tweet originally

    BahamutZERO.gif
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    That was


    Hugely helpful, Eva.


    I think logically I knew all that, I just needed it to come from an external source.

    And thank you too bahamut.


    I appreciate yall

    UnbrokenEvaMunkus Beaver
  • Hi I'm Vee!Hi I'm Vee! Formerly VH; She/Her; Is an E X P E R I E N C E Registered User regular
    Sterica your av is rad af, is it from something or an original/commission?

    vRyue2p.png
    Sterica
  • BahamutZEROBahamutZERO Registered User regular
    I think it's fanart of this worthikids short
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-TJm7HkzkQ

    BahamutZERO.gif
    Hi I'm Vee!UnbrokenEvaLucedes
  • tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks OaklandRegistered User regular
    So.

    Been thinking, and this is the least dumb of this dumb question that I can come up with.


    Can a person's sexuality change over time?


    First look I want to say maybe?

    I've been doing thinking about how I'm comfortable with the demisexual label, but then I remember back to my younger days and all the causal sex. And I'm pretty sure that I enjoyed the sex and was attracted to my partners back then.

    But does that change the demisexual label? Was I really into them? Was I just don't it because society expected casual sex in university and so I did that? Have I gotten more ace as I've gotten older? Am I really demi? Or is something else going on? How do I take who I used to be and relate her to who I am now? Are they even the same me?



    Blah. Am I being weird?

    That's rhetorical.

    For some people, it definitely can change over time. But, importantly, it can't be forced to change. The change cannot be external. Heck, for some people the change can't be internal when they want it.

    You are both the you that you were, and you are also no longer her, though she is a part of you. Your experiences always shape the person you are. Maybe you were mentally demi back then but weren't in touch with that part of yourself, and so emotionally and outwardly you were aro. It's definitely hard to separate between your thoughts and your actions as defining yourself, because they both kind of do in a way, and it's even harder when we look back at the past through inherently inaccurate memories of what we think we felt or thought or did.

    UnbrokenEvaBahamutZEROPhoenix-D
  • LucedesLucedes might be real Registered User regular
    my gender identity is actually very close to The Wicked Zoga.

    VicBahamutZEROaStoryAboutYou
  • initiatefailureinitiatefailure Registered User regular
    edited July 2021
    One thing I think about is how our language is actually pretty imprecise. It's an evolving attempt to distill these big multifaceted unique identities into common concepts.

    Your labels are for you; first, foremost, and always. And if anyone else wants to make it their business you get to set them on fire, you know conceptually. But also with fire.

    initiatefailure on
    pimentoBahamutZEROMcFodderEndless_Serpentstzeentchling3cl1ps3Phoenix-DApocalyptusShadowen
  • Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    One thing I think about is how our language is actually pretty imprecise. It's an evolving attempt to distill these big multifaceted unique identities into common concepts.

    This is true, but also it's hard to be precise when the thing you're trying to describe is itself incredibly imprecise. Like a lot of things, gender and sexuality are extremely fluid and overlapping and language can only do so much to sort all that stuff out.

    pimentoBahamutZEROApocalyptus
  • GrogGrog My sword is only steel in a useful shape.Registered User regular
    That was


    Hugely helpful, Eva.


    I think logically I knew all that, I just needed it to come from an external source.

    And thank you too bahamut.


    I appreciate yall

    Heteronormative society very much wants us to think the opposite, so it makes sense that you'd need some outside confirmation.

    It's part of why I find the trans discourse getting dragged back into 'born this way' stuff so frustrating. You don't HAVE to have always been something to be it. You're it now.

    Endless_SerpentspimentomysticjuicerBahamutZEROkimeaStoryAboutYouApocalyptusShadowen
  • Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    MsAnthropy wrote: »
    More than that transitioning at 40 basically means I only get to really live half of my life in any kind of rewarding or authentic way. I have had to deal with a ton of rage and grief over the experiences I didn’t get to have. I resent the fact that I didn’t get to live through my 20s and 30s as myself.

    Yeah this is something I struggle with, I think about the things I missed on a daily basis. I wish I could figure out how to come to terms with it because it takes up a lot of mental bandwidth.

    MsAnthropyPoketpixie
  • King RiptorKing Riptor Registered User regular
    MsAnthropy wrote: »
    More than that transitioning at 40 basically means I only get to really live half of my life in any kind of rewarding or authentic way. I have had to deal with a ton of rage and grief over the experiences I didn’t get to have. I resent the fact that I didn’t get to live through my 20s and 30s as myself.

    Yeah this is something I struggle with, I think about the things I missed on a daily basis. I wish I could figure out how to come to terms with it because it takes up a lot of mental bandwidth.

    Im still kinda figuring out what I want but the way I see it is that if I had transitioned in my 20s I might have been happier about my body but I'd probably have been in a worse place than I am now. Possibly dead given where I lived and worked back then.
    Its not a lot better now but I have people in my life that care about me now that I didnt then which is why I can think about transitioning at all

    I have a podcast now. It's about video games and anime!Find it here.
    MsAnthropy
  • Hi I'm Vee!Hi I'm Vee! Formerly VH; She/Her; Is an E X P E R I E N C E Registered User regular
    edited July 2021
    Grog wrote: »
    That was


    Hugely helpful, Eva.


    I think logically I knew all that, I just needed it to come from an external source.

    And thank you too bahamut.


    I appreciate yall

    Heteronormative society very much wants us to think the opposite, so it makes sense that you'd need some outside confirmation.

    It's part of why I find the trans discourse getting dragged back into 'born this way' stuff so frustrating. You don't HAVE to have always been something to be it. You're it now.

    This bothers me tremendously, because I don't particularly believe I've always been trans. It's something I struggled with a lot when I was first having gender feelings, because I definitely bought into the idea that all trans people have always been trans, like it's something that they've struggled with all their life, and that just wasn't true for me. Considering how strongly I feel that I'm a girl nowadays, I shudder to think of where I'd have ended up if I didn't have supportive friends and this community in particular who were very much on the side of "there are a million ways to be trans and no 'correct' way".

    Hi I'm Vee! on
    vRyue2p.png
    GrogMunkus BeaverFencingsaxpimentoElldrenBahamutZERO
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    Ugh


    It is so very frustrating to see an LGBTQ maker fail to grasp intersectionality. That's great, you made rainbow things and raised money for Pride. But your rainbows aren't Progress, and when asked if you could add in the extra colours, you just ignore the question.


    It's so frustrating that makers that should be allies and friends and part of the whole conversation are just not and are at times actively being harmful and it succccccccks.


    Ugh

    Ok rant over

  • SeidkonaSeidkona Had an upgrade Registered User regular
    I don't know

    I think we need to get past absolutes completely.

    I was definitely trans as far back as I can remember and me feeling like I was born this way doesn't mean that anyone else has to at all.

    I think it's a spectrum of experience and every unique version should be celebrated.

    Mostly just huntin' monsters.
    XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
    webguy20pimentoLucedesUnbrokenEvakimeCruorGnizmoMx. QuillMsAnthropy3cl1ps3Hi I'm Vee!never dieElldrenToxaStoryAboutYouApocalyptusJaysonFourFleur de AlysShadowen
  • Mx. QuillMx. Quill I now prefer "Myr. Quill", actually... {They/Them}Registered User regular
    I painted my toes for the first time yesterday, and at least four or five times now I have thought my toes are all bloodied cause it's a dark purple and my idiot brain sees it out of the corner of my eye and goes "AAAAAAAH"

    Gnizmo3cl1ps3UnbrokenEvaDepressperadotzeentchlingpimentoToxKetarSorcemysticjuicerJaysonFourMsAnthropyFencingsaxPsykomaRhesus PositiveCruorLucedesnever diepookaFleur de AlysShadowenFoolOnTheHill
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    I have learned today that there is a project underway to try and update Hebrew to having a neutral/nonbinary tense and I am actually incredibly excited by this.

    I've got an email out to the project to see if they can help me update the words i'm using in my knitting patterns to be more inclusive than just using the plural conjugations i was using.

    BahamutZEROpimentoSorceApocalyptusJaysonFourMcFodderFencingsaxtzeentchlingToxJedocRhesus PositiveLucedesnever dieShadowen
  • MsAnthropyMsAnthropy The Lady of Pain Breaks the Rhythm, Breaks the Rhythm, Breaks the Rhythm The City of FlowersRegistered User regular
    This may be my favorite of the Anakin-Padme meme:

    Luscious Sounds Spotify Playlist

    "The only real politics I knew was that if a guy liked Hitler, I’d beat the stuffing out of him and that would be it." -- Jack Kirby
    3cl1ps3Sweeney TomtzeentchlingElldrenInfidelGnizmoaStoryAboutYouMrMonroeBahamutZEROMunkus BeaverKane Red Robewebguy20LucedesSatanic JesusSorcekimeVeldrinNeurotikaTefApocalyptusSporkAndrewnever dieFleur de AlysUsagiJaysonFourWeedLordVegetaShadowenFoolOnTheHill
  • SeidkonaSeidkona Had an upgrade Registered User regular
    edited July 2021
    Just found a out about this but if you were born in Michigan and are wanting to change your assigned gender on your birth certificate then good news!

    https://www.michiganradio.org/post/trans-michiganders-no-longer-need-proof-sex-reassignment-surgery-change-birth-certificates

    Seidkona on
    Mostly just huntin' monsters.
    XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
    3cl1ps3Rhesus PositiveMsAnthropytzeentchlingToxPoketpixieApocalyptusnever dieJaysonFourShadowen
  • Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    Hey, good for my homestate!

    Michigan is such a weird place socially and politically, they tend to swing wildly back and forth on any given issue depending on the year, temperature, and whether or not they've had breakfast that morning

    SeidkonaMunkus BeaverJaysonFour
  • JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    It's that kind of chaotic energy that allowed you to steal and inexplicably keep Wisconsin's hat for so long.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
  • SeidkonaSeidkona Had an upgrade Registered User regular
    I am very happy I no longer live there.

    Mostly just huntin' monsters.
    XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
  • MsAnthropyMsAnthropy The Lady of Pain Breaks the Rhythm, Breaks the Rhythm, Breaks the Rhythm The City of FlowersRegistered User regular
    MsAnthropy wrote: »
    In other news, Chelsea Wolfe, one of my favorite singers, posted on the last day of pride Month about being Pan and using she / they pronouns. Wouldn’t say I was surprised about it, but knowing that someone whose work I like so much is also queer was great to find out.

    To follow up on this, Chelsea just did a duet with non-binary femme artist, Michael Love Michael:
    https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/michaellovemichael/have-feat-chelsea-wolfe

    Hearing someone who has influenced my vocal style sing “Trans women are queens” over and over again is pretty effing cool. Especially when so many influential cis artists have been so disappointing wrt trans rights over the last few years.

    Luscious Sounds Spotify Playlist

    "The only real politics I knew was that if a guy liked Hitler, I’d beat the stuffing out of him and that would be it." -- Jack Kirby
    mysticjuicerApocalyptusLucedesPoketpixiePirateQueenCurly_BracepimentoNeco3cl1ps3Ketarnever dieJaysonFourShadowen
  • JarsJars Registered User regular
    hey queer thread. it's been a bad day and I need to vent because it was topped by someone pulling the I don't see why minorities need people in media to look up to I look up to people for their abilities and talents not their sexuality and shut the fuck up. I hate people who pull that high horse shit to talk down to people who haven't had the luxury of representation like they have

    BahamutZEROlonelyahavaSorceGrogElldrenFencingsaxCurly_BraceRhesus PositivetzeentchlingToxmysticjuicerTefPirateQueenApocalyptusLucedesMunkus BeaverSweeney Tomnever diekimeFleur de AlysSharpyVIIJaysonFourShadowen
  • PlatyPlaty Registered User regular
    Does anyone have any first- or second-hand experiences with glottoplasty, just curious

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