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Math [chat]

16263656768100

Posts

  • SenjutsuSenjutsu thot enthusiast Registered User regular
    Sarksus wrote: »
    I am bad at masturbating quickly, especially since I started using erotic fiction instead of porn.

    I GOTTA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

    the problem with erotic fiction is the 40 minutes it takes to find something that isn't so god awfully written that it kills your boner

    Sarksus wrote: »
    I'm gonna get a PhD in incest.
  • wanderingwandering Registered User regular
    Eddy wrote: »
    audible yet inexplicable squirting noises, gentle weeping, going "FUH FUH FUH FUH IT'S HAPPENING"
    How did you read my chat log from the other night

  • SarksusSarksus Registered User regular
    GnomeTank wrote: »
    BobCesca wrote: »
    GnomeTank wrote: »
    Being married has gotten me so good at jerkin' it both quickly and silently that I'm pretty sure I possess the stealth skills to assassinate a government official at this point.

    Pretty much. I always found that whole thing so odd when I was married...so let me get this straight, you don't want to have sex with me because you have a "headache", but if you catch me jerking (even sans porn), it's like this huge affront? What the fuck.

    I never understand this. Jerk off all you like, just go watch some porn or something and don't lie next to me and do it 'cos I'm trying to sleep and don't want to listen to your sex noises.

    Wait...people make noise while masturbating? That's a very odd concept to me. Maybe it's the learning to do it silently like an F-22 on combat patrol that made me learn to never make a peep.

  • Evil MultifariousEvil Multifarious Registered User regular
    I will also eat raw garlic

    Basically don't ever make out with me after dinner

    Inquisitor wrote: »
    I fucking hate you Canadians.
  • amateurhouramateurhour One day I'll be professionalhour The woods somewhere in TennesseeRegistered User regular
    Sarksus wrote: »
    I am bad at masturbating quickly, especially since I started using erotic fiction instead of porn.

    I GOTTA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

    I've read some truly amazing and also horrible erotic fiction over the years. Some of it still haunts my brain, specifically the science fiction stuff.


    Arch wrote: »

    I never expected this burn from captain bushmeat
  • FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD along with you if I get drunk well I know I'm gonna be gonna be the man whoRegistered User regular
    All of the managers at my work are taking schedule cuts, including me.

    I was expecting this to happen and preparing for it, thankfully.

    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
  • SenjutsuSenjutsu thot enthusiast Registered User regular
    I just can't stay hard in the face of comma splices and trite characterization

    Sarksus wrote: »
    I'm gonna get a PhD in incest.
  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    PantsB wrote: »
    TTODewback wrote: »
    We had like 1300 people when I was in high school. 100% of the people who smoked pot were the bottom of every statistical category available in terms of academic progress and attendance.
    Yup, that's probably true for pretty much every HS. And for the most part its true in college too (as is binge drinking).

    Hell look what it did to Boomers.

    What are you talking about? Boomers are robbing us blind. They get like five hojillion dollars in government support to ever nickel we get or whatever. If you think they fucked up, you need to read the news and think about your future more, man.

    wisdom wrote:
    if knowledge is power and power corrupts, be smart, be evil
  • PodlyPodly you unzipped me! it's all coming back! i don't like it!Registered User regular
    The problem with erotic fiction is that I have more testosterone than estrogen

    follow my music twitter soundcloud tumblr
    9pr1GIh.jpg?1
  • SarksusSarksus Registered User regular
    Senjutsu wrote: »
    Sarksus wrote: »
    I am bad at masturbating quickly, especially since I started using erotic fiction instead of porn.

    I GOTTA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

    the problem with erotic fiction is the 40 minutes it takes to find something that isn't so god awfully written that it kills your boner

    I don't mind!

  • OrganichuOrganichu jacobkosh Registered User regular
    whoa

    i didn't even read that post that mentioned an f-22

    i swear me using it is just because i've been reading all this shitty tom clancy stuff for weeks

    what a weird coincidence

  • ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    Feral wrote: »
    All of the managers at my work are taking schedule cuts, including me.

    I was expecting this to happen and preparing for it, thankfully.

    Ouch.

  • DeebaserDeebaser on my way to work in a suit and a tie Ahhhh...come on fucking guyRegistered User regular
    BobCesca wrote: »
    GnomeTank wrote: »
    Being married has gotten me so good at jerkin' it both quickly and silently that I'm pretty sure I possess the stealth skills to assassinate a government official at this point.

    Pretty much. I always found that whole thing so odd when I was married...so let me get this straight, you don't want to have sex with me because you have a "headache", but if you catch me jerking (even sans porn), it's like this huge affront? What the fuck.

    I never understand this. Jerk off all you like, just go watch some porn or something and don't lie next to me and do it 'cos I'm trying to sleep and don't want to listen to your sex noises.


    http://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/169668/this-chat/p68
    So I tried to watch this anime on Hulu in bed...

    Just by the sound, my half asleep wife asked me to go to the computer room if I'm going to watch "foreign rape porn"

    I have disgraced my ancestors

    YOLO. Swag. Whatever. Fuck it. Lets do this.
  • TTODewbackTTODewback Not a Lizard Person Center of the EarthRegistered User regular
    F-22's are great.
    Why could go wrong with a jet that has a history of making its pilot lose consciousness.

    Bless your heart.
  • SenjutsuSenjutsu thot enthusiast Registered User regular
    Podly wrote: »
    The problem with erotic fiction is that I have more testosterone than estrogen

    print that sucker out and straight fuck a hole through those 8.5x11s

    Sarksus wrote: »
    I'm gonna get a PhD in incest.
  • SarksusSarksus Registered User regular
    What were you watching anyway, Deebaser.

  • Donkey KongDonkey Kong This post is sure to please my friends and everyone else as well Registered User regular
    Podly wrote: »
    I always thought gay dudes did poppers as an anal relaxant but it also makes your orgasm much more intense

    Fucking gays know how to live, I tell ya

    dogg sometimes a man has a lot of VHS tapes to clean

    Thousands of hot, local singles are waiting to play at bubbulon.com.
  • Evil MultifariousEvil Multifarious Registered User regular
    The thing about erotic fiction is that I can't get off if I don't see a scrotum slapping meatily against angry red recently shaved genitals

    Inquisitor wrote: »
    I fucking hate you Canadians.
  • OrganichuOrganichu jacobkosh Registered User regular
    edited February 2013
    GROSS

    Organichu on
  • TL DRTL DR Not at all confident in his reflexive opinions of thingsRegistered User regular
    Podly wrote: »
    The problem with erotic fiction is that I have more interest in being a critic than cumming

  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    I don't know what y'all are talking about, the problem with erotic fiction is all those stupid vampires and lycans and shit Stephanie Meyer keeps putting in it.

    wisdom wrote:
    if knowledge is power and power corrupts, be smart, be evil
  • surrealitychecksurrealitycheck the search for the means to put an end to things an end to speech is what enables the discourse to continue ~ * ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) excelsior * ~Registered User regular
    i write amazing erotic fiction

    its all about anthropomorphic dicks doing everyday things like buying shoes for their scrotum-feet

    obF2Wuw.png
  • TaminTamin Registered User regular
    you know

    some of us are trying to eat.

  • FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD along with you if I get drunk well I know I'm gonna be gonna be the man whoRegistered User regular
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    All of the managers at my work are taking schedule cuts, including me.

    I was expecting this to happen and preparing for it, thankfully.

    Ouch.

    Yeah, I wish I could have stretched it out by a month or two. If I can get some part-time consulting work going, I'll be fine. Probably better off, honestly.

    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
  • TL DRTL DR Not at all confident in his reflexive opinions of thingsRegistered User regular
    Podly wrote: »
    I always thought gay dudes did poppers as an anal relaxant but it also makes your orgasm much more intense

    Fucking gays know how to live, I tell ya

    dogg sometimes a man has a lot of VHS tapes to clean

    w-what

  • OrganichuOrganichu jacobkosh Registered User regular
    at least 3/4 of the most read/top rated stories at literotica are incest

  • GnomeTankGnomeTank Registered User regular
    TTODewback wrote: »
    F-22's are great.
    Why could go wrong with a jet that has a history of making its pilot lose consciousness.

    They fixed that. You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.

    I think people forget, planes like the F-16 earned the nickname lawn dart until they fixed the kinks. Making these complex machines is difficult, and there will be bugs.

    Sagroth wrote: »
    Oh c'mon FyreWulff, no one's gonna pay to visit Uranus.
    Steam: Brainling, XBL / PSN: GnomeTank, NintendoID: Brainling, FF14: Zillius Rosh SFV: Brainling
  • SarksusSarksus Registered User regular
    The thing about erotic fiction is that I can't get off if I don't see a scrotum slapping meatily against angry red recently shaved genitals

    Years of seeing scrotums slapping meatily against angry red recently shaved genitals ruined my perceptions of sex.

  • FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD along with you if I get drunk well I know I'm gonna be gonna be the man whoRegistered User regular
    Senjutsu wrote: »
    Sarksus wrote: »
    I am bad at masturbating quickly, especially since I started using erotic fiction instead of porn.

    I GOTTA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

    the problem with erotic fiction is the 40 minutes it takes to find something that isn't so god awfully written that it kills your boner

    Find author you like on literotica
    Find other users who favorited that author
    Find other authors favorited by those users

    kind of like amazon's recommendation system, but manually instead of programmatically.

    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
  • PantsBPantsB Registered User regular
    PantsB wrote: »
    TTODewback wrote: »
    We had like 1300 people when I was in high school. 100% of the people who smoked pot were the bottom of every statistical category available in terms of academic progress and attendance.
    Yup, that's probably true for pretty much every HS. And for the most part its true in college too (as is binge drinking).

    Hell look what it did to Boomers.

    What are you talking about? Boomers are robbing us blind. They get like five hojillion dollars in government support to ever nickel we get or whatever. If you think they fucked up, you need to read the news and think about your future more, man.

    This post is funnier when you read it in stoner voice.

    Boomers are the ones who have fucked America politically. Selfish dickery and amoral stupidity are not incompatible.

    11793-1.png
    day9gosu.png
    QEDMF xbl: PantsB G+
  • The Green Eyed MonsterThe Green Eyed Monster i blame hip hop Registered User regular
    The thing about erotic fiction is that I can't get off if I don't see a scrotum slapping meatily against angry red recently shaved genitals

    Don't forget the requisite surgery scars, too.

    wisdom wrote:
    if knowledge is power and power corrupts, be smart, be evil
  • Captain CarrotCaptain Carrot Alexandria, VARegistered User regular
    Senjutsu wrote: »
    Sarksus wrote: »
    I am bad at masturbating quickly, especially since I started using erotic fiction instead of porn.

    I GOTTA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

    the problem with erotic fiction is the 40 minutes it takes to find something that isn't so god awfully written that it kills your boner

    lrn2srch better

  • WashWash Sweet Christmas Registered User regular
    Organichu wrote: »
    Now there was a long strand of clear pre-cum juice connecting Sue's lips to her son's penis. Her head began to slowly slide down his chest.

    She not going to... Tommy thought as he felt his mother's head move.

    What happens next!

    gi5h0gjqwti1.jpg
  • BobCescaBobCesca Registered User regular
    'Chu, I actually almost threw up a little while reading that.

  • FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD along with you if I get drunk well I know I'm gonna be gonna be the man whoRegistered User regular
    The thing about erotic fiction is that I can't get off if I don't see a scrotum slapping meatily against angry red recently shaved genitals

    I'm never having sex again.

    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.
    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
  • TTODewbackTTODewback Not a Lizard Person Center of the EarthRegistered User regular
    edited February 2013
    GnomeTank wrote: »
    TTODewback wrote: »
    F-22's are great.
    Why could go wrong with a jet that has a history of making its pilot lose consciousness.

    They fixed that. You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.

    I think people forget, planes like the F-16 earned the nickname lawn dart until they fixed the kinks. Making these complex machines is difficult, and there will be bugs.
    But didn't they have one based at Tyndall just crash a couple of months ago because of that problem? Or did they determine it to be something else

    TTODewback on
    Bless your heart.
  • SarksusSarksus Registered User regular
    That is what I often do, Feral. And sometimes the top rated stories are accurately rated and I read those if I want something quickly.

  • PodlyPodly you unzipped me! it's all coming back! i don't like it!Registered User regular
    The thing about erotic fiction is that I can't get off if I don't see a scrotum slapping meatily against angry red recently shaved genitals

    Woah woah woah who said anything about scrotums.

    What are you trying to say here, Sally?

    follow my music twitter soundcloud tumblr
    9pr1GIh.jpg?1
  • OrganichuOrganichu jacobkosh Registered User regular
    Wash wrote: »
    Organichu wrote: »
    Now there was a long strand of clear pre-cum juice connecting Sue's lips to her son's penis. Her head began to slowly slide down his chest.

    She not going to... Tommy thought as he felt his mother's head move.

    What happens next!

    >literotica
    >stories
    >top lists
    >most read stories
    >a mother and her son

  • visiblehowlvisiblehowl Neutron Nerd Registered User regular
    Organichu wrote: »
    Eddy wrote: »
    audible yet inexplicable squirting noises, gentle weeping, going "FUH FUH FUH FUH IT'S HAPPENING"

    i squeal OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD in a hysterically, high-pitched voice

    it's like an f-22's engines spooling up

    This is in sharp contrast to the noise you make when I come, which is significantly more muffled.

    vxsHp3F.gif
    I suck at Getting Over It and am terrified of alien oceans in Subnautica on Twitch
This discussion has been closed.