As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/
Options

I hate everyone on the [Food Network]

Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot OMG WRIGGLYT O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
edited August 2009 in Social Entropy++
The Food Network has some great recipes and I guess you can watch the shows to learn more about how to prepare food. But we all know that the best part about the Food Network is the reality tv shows and the relentless judging of the hosts.
Guy_Fieri_129132.jpg

Guy Fieri is fucking everywhere and I hate his dumb hair and his stupid face. He hosts five shows and I don't know who his target demographic is but I hate him so much. Seriously where did he come from he needs to shut up. He's actually kind of the male
rachel-ray-is-looking-for-a-cook.jpg

I don't think there's anything new that can be said about Rachel "add some evoo for a yummo meal (i'm not a cheffie)" Ray. But I think it's hilarious how tons of other food network hosts want to be like her.
giada-de-laurentiis-the-break-up-world-premiere-YLqZxi.jpg

Now easily this lady is the best food network personality ever

She's totally a swinger and she and her weedy little husband totally make big elaborate meals that are delicious before proceeding to spouse swap and fuck as the baked beans and herb encrusted chickens cool in the kitchen. I love her, I want to be Ina Garten when I grow up.

Also Food Network is amazing to watch when you are high.

Dread Pirate Arbuthnot on
«13456718

Posts

  • Options
    PharezonPharezon Struggle is an illusion. Victory is in the Qun.Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Thread lacks Alton Brown.

    Pharezon on
    jkZziGc.png
  • Options
    Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot OMG WRIGGLY T O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Pharezon wrote: »
    Thread lacks Alton Brown.

    I met Alton Brown once. He was very nice. He is awesome but I have nothing scathing or salacious to say about him. I cannot even picture him having lady-relations with his wife, you know? He probably cooks her a delicious dinner and they read the newspaper on the front porch then sleep in separate beds.

    Dread Pirate Arbuthnot on
  • Options
    ScudoScudo Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    me too

    and don't forget Giada, who has a travel themed show that's whole premise is "Giada is so wealthy and pretty, let's watch her jet around the mediterranean!"

    Scudo on
  • Options
    MorivethMoriveth BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWNRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Holy crap is Rachel Ray really that wide or is that just a really big dress

    Moriveth on
  • Options
    ZoelZoel I suppose... I'd put it on Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Moriveth wrote: »
    Holy crap is Rachel Ray really that wide or is that just a really big dress

    I think it depends what time of day it is

    Zoel on
    A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
    However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
  • Options
    JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Ina Garten is boring as fuck to watch do fucking anything.

    Javen on
  • Options
    Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot OMG WRIGGLY T O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Scudo wrote: »
    me too

    and don't forget Giada, who has a travel themed show that's whole premise is "Giada is so wealthy and pretty, let's watch her jet around the mediterranean!"

    I was actually going to go off on a huge tangent about how obnoxious that is, about how Giada clearly wants to be Rachael Ray v2.0

    And then there's Sunny Anderson I think, she has a cooking show and then she does some edutational "How'd That Get On My Plate" and I think she looks so tired on that show, like she desperately wants to get the exotic travel show or perhaps the folksy local America diners show and she knows she is just paying her dues before she can do anything, which gives How'd That Get On My Plate an entertaining spin as the story of watching a woman struggle through her distate for her work to try to entertain people at home.

    holy run-on

    Dread Pirate Arbuthnot on
  • Options
    ScudoScudo Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Ted Allen is cool though, and sometimes I like to watch Chopped just to see that bitchy middle judge be a bitchy bitch bitch

    Scudo on
  • Options
    JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    And Paula Deen honestly scares the everloving shit out of me.

    Javen on
  • Options
    ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I like the British chick.

    The one with big muffins.

    ChicoBlue on
  • Options
    JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Tyler Florence actually makes some of the best food I've seen done on Food Network.

    Javen on
  • Options
    Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot OMG WRIGGLY T O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Javen wrote: »
    And Paula Deen honestly scares the everloving shit out of me.

    2881354858_b7382a7889.jpg

    Dread Pirate Arbuthnot on
  • Options
    JansonJanson Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Nigella Lawson, who is yummy looking indeed

    Janson on
  • Options
    ScudoScudo Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    haha Paula Deen's two sons have a show now, and every single exchange between them is like "Hey bro, let's go to this sweet diner!" "Sure bro!"

    although I give the older one credit for one thing

    they were at this bakery, and were watching the guy prepare some kind of cake thing, and as he pulls like 13lbs of butter out of the fridge Paula's son says what everyone was thinking: It'd make momma proud

    Scudo on
  • Options
    JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    yo we put butter in your butter so you could eat while you eat!

    Javen on
  • Options
    JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Iron Chef America is so much better than its predecessor it's amazing.

    My ex girlfriend bought me all the old episodes and after watching like half of them I was finally convinced.

    Javen on
  • Options
    BYToadyBYToady Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I enjoyed Alton Brown's spoof on the Iron Chef shows.

    BYToady on
    Battletag BYToady#1454
  • Options
    ScudoScudo Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I love that they dub over Iron Chef Morimoto anytime he tries to string together an English sentence longer than two words

    Scudo on
  • Options
    MysstMysst King Monkey of Hedonism IslandRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I would love to get into giada's kitchen

    by which I mean vagina

    and then the room where cooking takes place

    Mysst on
    ikbUJdU.jpg
  • Options
    Penguin IncarnatePenguin Incarnate King of Kafiristan Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I went outside tonight to see a friend and there on the street I found an iPod. A brand new one, too. It would have been pretty cool if it didn't say whose iPod it was. Damnit, Leo Hernandez, why you gotta make me be honest and hunt you down? That is not professional.

    Penguin Incarnate on
  • Options
    Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot OMG WRIGGLY T O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I went outside tonight to see a friend and there on the street I found an iPod. A brand new one, too. It would have been pretty cool if it didn't say whose iPod it was. Damnit, Leo Hernandez, why you gotta make me be honest and hunt you down? That is not professional.

    Hey bro, I'm Leo Hernandez, thanks for finding my iPod. You can just send it back my way.

    Dread Pirate Arbuthnot on
  • Options
    Penguin IncarnatePenguin Incarnate King of Kafiristan Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    What's worse is that I fucking found the guy's address after half a minute of searching the white pages. He lives right next door.

    Penguin Incarnate on
  • Options
    Lost SalientLost Salient blink twice if you'd like me to mercy kill youRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Mysst wrote: »
    I would love to get into giada's kitchen

    by which I mean vagina

    and then the room where cooking takes place

    I tried to make a comparable metaphor for what I'd like to do to Alton Brown, but I couldn't.

    I would if I could, though. If you know what I mean.

    Lost Salient on
    RUVCwyu.jpg
    "Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
  • Options
    MysstMysst King Monkey of Hedonism IslandRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Mysst wrote: »
    I would love to get into giada's kitchen

    by which I mean vagina

    and then the room where cooking takes place

    I tried to make a comparable metaphor for what I'd like to do to Alton Brown, but I couldn't.

    I would if I could, though. If you know what I mean.
    you would like to coat his spatula?

    and then lick off the batter from making cookies?

    woman I am drunk I can make all sorts of metaphors right now

    Mysst on
    ikbUJdU.jpg
  • Options
    Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I hate reality shows

    all of them

    except cops

    cops can stay

    Kuribo's Shoe on
    xmassig2.gif
  • Options
    ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    BAD BOYS

    BAD BOYS

    ChicoBlue on
  • Options
    MysstMysst King Monkey of Hedonism IslandRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    whachoo gonna do?

    Mysst on
    ikbUJdU.jpg
  • Options
    Penguin IncarnatePenguin Incarnate King of Kafiristan Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    It's amazing that after twenty years, they still have that same damn song.

    Penguin Incarnate on
  • Options
    jpegjpeg ODIE, YOUR FACE Scenic Illinois FlatlandsRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    The secret ingredients on the old iron chef always seemed to be more interesting to me, like way out there shit that any normal person would have a hard time making ONE dish with, let along however many

    whereas iron chef america's secret ingredients are like chicken, or garlic. but that show has alton brown so it is alright by me.

    jpeg on
    so I just type in this box and it goes on the screen?
  • Options
    ShortyShorty touching the meat Intergalactic Cool CourtRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Iron Chef had Chairman Kage, who was so fucking insane that it was always worth watching the intro.

    I'd have to say I like Iron Chef America a lot more.

    Even though Bobby Flay puts mango and corn in goddamn everything.

    Shorty on
  • Options
    Lost SalientLost Salient blink twice if you'd like me to mercy kill youRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Mysst wrote: »
    Mysst wrote: »
    I would love to get into giada's kitchen

    by which I mean vagina

    and then the room where cooking takes place

    I tried to make a comparable metaphor for what I'd like to do to Alton Brown, but I couldn't.

    I would if I could, though. If you know what I mean.
    you would like to coat his spatula?

    and then lick off the batter from making cookies?

    woman I am drunk I can make all sorts of metaphors right now

    Yessss what you said. About the cookies.

    I miss Cops. There is no Korean equivalent for it, and that makes me sad.

    Lost Salient on
    RUVCwyu.jpg
    "Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
  • Options
    Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot OMG WRIGGLY T O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Do not even get me started on Bobby Flay.

    Dread Pirate Arbuthnot on
  • Options
    MysstMysst King Monkey of Hedonism IslandRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Mysst wrote: »
    Mysst wrote: »
    I would love to get into giada's kitchen

    by which I mean vagina

    and then the room where cooking takes place

    I tried to make a comparable metaphor for what I'd like to do to Alton Brown, but I couldn't.

    I would if I could, though. If you know what I mean.
    you would like to coat his spatula?

    and then lick off the batter from making cookies?

    woman I am drunk I can make all sorts of metaphors right now

    Yessss what you said. About the cookies.

    I miss Cops. There is no Korean equivalent for it, and that makes me sad.
    I imagine it would be called Kops and would be sung drunk karaoke style

    Mysst on
    ikbUJdU.jpg
  • Options
    ShortyShorty touching the meat Intergalactic Cool CourtRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Do not even get me started on Bobby Flay.

    Fuuuck that guy. He's such a douchebag.

    Shorty on
  • Options
    jpegjpeg ODIE, YOUR FACE Scenic Illinois FlatlandsRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Shorty wrote: »
    Do not even get me started on Bobby Flay.

    Fuuuck that guy. He's such a douchebag.

    I don't know anything about bobby flay aside from the fact that his voice is really annoying and he has the ability to make one facial expression

    jpeg on
    so I just type in this box and it goes on the screen?
  • Options
    Lost SalientLost Salient blink twice if you'd like me to mercy kill youRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I will say this for Bobby Flay, one of my favourite grilling recipes comes from him and it is amazing.

    He comes off as a giant jerk, though.

    Lost Salient on
    RUVCwyu.jpg
    "Sandra has a good solid anti-murderer vibe. My skin felt very secure and sufficiently attached to my body when I met her. Also my organs." HAIL SATAN
  • Options
    BYToadyBYToady Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Bobby Flay is the male form of Rachel Ray.

    BYToady on
    Battletag BYToady#1454
  • Options
    Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    ALTON.


    BROWN.

    NIGELLA


    LAWSON.

    Also I wish some other chefs were on food network rather than fine living, like Mario Batali. He's rad.

    Metzger Meister on
  • Options
    BYToadyBYToady Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I have seen so many episodes of good eats.

    BYToady on
    Battletag BYToady#1454
  • Options
    moocowmoocow Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    BYToady wrote: »
    I have seen so many episodes of good eats.

    I used to watch that a lot with my uncle (he's an awesome cook, used to run a catering business). Quality show.

    I've been meaning to make some macaroni and cheese from scratch (well, not the macaroni) since I saw the episode about it.

    moocow on
    imttnk.png
    PS4:MrZoompants
Sign In or Register to comment.