Me, finally emerging from my wife's sickbed room after five days of 24/7 care, and wanting to preemptively get my mother-in-law off my back so maybe I can take one single hour to myself on a Sunday: "Hey guys, how's it going down here?"
Mother-in-law:
Oh, cool! Thanks for figuring my entire Sunday out for me, I really appreciate that! You're right, I've just been giving sponge baths and changing blood bulbs and waking up in the night to give meds and check pulses and care for your daughter. Should probably get off my ass and get to work today and stop being lazy, huh
Honestly, if she just handed me a big giant fuck-you list, I wouldn't be half as pissed. Fine, I'll carve out the whole thing over the week here and there in between other all the other stuff. Oh, that doesn't work for you, because you'll walk behind me in a passive agressive huff all day? Guess it's been decided I'm doing it now, then
It's the, "Hey can I ask you a quick question about something?" that immediately turns into "well, while I've got you here, I have six *more* questions, three concerns, an armful of strong suggestions, and some heavy-handed insinuations about what I think you should be doing. But, you know, do whatever you want"
My wife is like "well that's just the way she is, she isn't gonna change" and I'm like "yeah I get that, but that's what my psycho gaslighting egg donor's excuse is too, so it's kind of incredibly provoking despite why she does it"
Got the after-surgery report two days ago, and there was a 50/50 shot it wouldn't show any traces of the cancer (ie, was *fully* killed by the chemo) before she had the double mastectomy surgery- which ended up being the case, so that part is fucking fantastic, and amazing, and I couldn't be more grateful!
Recovery will be five to seven weeks, and her parents will be here the whole time, which *I am* thankful for too (mostly! 95% of the time!)...but her mom and I are vastly different kinds of people, and it starts to really show after we've been around each other for more than about a week
Just told the MIL "I understand, and actually *agree* with all that, and I think you can explain it next time without snapping at me needlessly because I have a simple question" and, "I just listened to you quietly, for a *good long while*... can you provide me with the same basic respect?"
Forgotten how hard the *RUSH* of locking horns with an unchallengable maternal figure was...feeling invigorated, like that first hit of "challenging authority" all over again. Might go flip over some cars in celebration, while the adrenaline is still going...
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JedocIn the scupperswith the staggers and jagsRegistered Userregular
edited June 2021
It's my uncle Tom's birthday. My sister just texted everyone to remind us.
I'm 37. This is the anniversary of when he'd have been the same age, if he hadn't shot a bullet into his mouth when he was 36.
I don't know why he did it. He died alone in a trailer house in Texline, Texas. After he died, I wore his FFA jacket even though it was too small, because we couldn't afford a new one and my name is Todd and nobody looks too closely at the stitched-in name. I wore his FFA ring, although it was too big and didn't have his name on it and they didn't give out rings when I was in FFA. I was a kid when he died, and he was always out in the yard playing baseball or frisbee or lawn darts with us on holidays, when he wasn't out driving truck.
I don't know why he did it. I don't think he's happier now, I think he's bones in a box in a grave near Centerville, New Mexico. But I hope he's not hurting anymore, whatever was hurting him.
Whelp its official, my mom is dying of cancer. She told us a few months ago, but it was impossible to tell if she was being truthful or was just lying to get out of being awful to my wife, her family, myself and my sister and brother in law.
Well my sister is power of attorney now and found out that yeah, shes dying. I haven't spoken to her in months and the last two times I did we fought because I'm tired of her getting off the hook for being awful all the time. So yeah, she called tonight and said it was just good to hear my voice and that she misses me, but last time we spoke she said when she looks at me or my wife we disgust her so much because of our fat ugly bodies that she wants to vomit.
MIL was supposed to spend all summer in a cabin by a lake, relaxing.
Instead, she fell, broke her foot, and has to take care of that all summer. Spent a few days in the hospital. Then a few weeks in a rehab center.
Now she's coming to stay with us for a few weeks.
She's not a bad person, but she is not easy to live with. She is passive-aggressively positive and epitomizes boomer entitlement in a way that's not mean, but just.. clueless... she just does what she wants, and it's what everybody wants because she's everybody.
She has a wheelchair to mostly get around. She has a kneeler crutch-thing for getting around where her wheelchair can't go, but can't use it long distances. So we're cleaning out and rearranging our small apartment (it was due for a big clean in any case) and it's just so much. We have an extra bed, so that's fine, but she has to share a room with my young daughter. She snores, so I hope my kid can sleep well enough through it.. she's a heavy sleeper, at least.
My husband will 10000% step up and do most of the work for her. But I hope she's not so needy that I then have to do everything else ><
I feel bad that her summer sucks now, though. I hope she has at least a decent time here.
MulysaSempronius on
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Well it's been a few months. Mom's not doing well. Chemo isn't working and she has to get blood transfusions which worsens her diabetes and yeah...so Friday my sister and I are going to visit and were all going to the funeral home to arrange her cremation.
Oh also her will is all kinds of messed up and basically sets up my sister to have to be a landlord for my nearly 60 year old uncle which seems like a lot of stress to put on my sister
So my grandmother had been diagnosed with emphysema and had unknown spots on her lungs a few months ago. She was put on oxygen, which seemed to help at first. But now her energy has gotten worse, and she's more or less bedridden. When I went to visit her this weekend, she gave my my birthday check, except that my birthday is in December. So yeah, while she's not in pain and is in good spirits, she's facing the inevitable. It's been a bit hard for me, since I've been visiting her pretty much weekly since I moved to town in 2010 (except during COVID before we were both vaccinated), and she's my last living grandparent. Currently, I've been trying to balance making most of the time left, while trying not to wear her out too much.
The one other solace is that I wanted to get a recording of her life story before she died, which we completed a few months ago, so that's a major regret I managed to avoid.
lonelyahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
I'm sorry.
But good on you for doing the recording. I really wish that I had done that with my grandmother. She was born in 1913 and lived to be 93. I just wish I'd had the thought to save more. I'm so very very sorry for what you're going through right now.
But good on you for doing the recording. I really wish that I had done that with my grandmother. She was born in 1913 and lived to be 93. I just wish I'd had the thought to save more. I'm so very very sorry for what you're going through right now.
Hugs if you want them.
Thank you. I'm managing to find ways to cope. I'm talking with her more frequently, but in shorter bursts due to her energy, planning for the future, posting about it here, things like that. I'll be going out of town to visit my immediate family next week, including my 2-year old niece, so that will give me a ton of emotional support.
I kind of regret not doing the recording project with either of my grandfathers. Though I think that's because what motivated me to do it was the birth of my niece, who my grandmother fortunately got to see, but who my niece won't remember. I wanted to give her a memento to know she wasn't just an ancestor, but someone who knew she existed and cared about her.
Mother in law is a week or two away from moving back to her place. She has a 4th floor walk-up that she swears she can walk up just fine, thank you.
oof
She had a hard time getting up those stairs before she messed up her foot.
Tried to get her to look at elevator apartments, and she's just so unreasonable picky. She makes.. a lot of money, so it's all on the aesthetics that she's being strange about. She's of totally sound mind, so she can make her own choices. But her insistence that she can just keep doing as she has been doing led to her foot breaking, so maybe she should have learned a lesson.
Just really want our apartment back, and don't want her coming back because she did something else she shouldn't have..
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
My dad died in February of last year, he was a mess and he had a major effect on my childhood so it's a little weird how much I miss him. I think his Saving Grace was through all the things that he did that hurt us he absolutely loved us. And we knew it even when he did a terrible job as father.
Found out 2/3s of my grandfathers on my "mother's" side died, today (they actually died 2 and 3 weeks ago, respectively), and I didn't find out about it until just this afternoon, because Egg-Donor is playing her typical get-back games, and my mother's brother just assumed I'd defected back to her team since the last time we talked...
Turns out her and my father also found out about my wife's cancer journey months ago, and said nothing, because their game of "winning" is more important to both of them than the possible death of my partner and the mother of their grandchildren...
So, on that note.....Dear "Dad",
Turns out all those WW2-Hitler specials were just you fantasizing over what it would feel like to actually have *balls*, huh? Tell you what, Old Man; enjoy the thorough-grave you've dug for yourself. And try not to look too hard at that gun safe, Champ: we both know what you're thinking about when you stare at it...
Dear "Mom",
...you'll, never actually "get it"...will you? You'll always be the cloying, put upon "victim", forever, won't you? Mother Dearest... please know, your death can't come soon enough...and it will be celebrated! And, I sincerely hope, whenever you get wherever you're headed, that divine powers or whoever rip away that "borderline" shield you carry for just two seconds,and show you what you truly are, before you go where you're headed...
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lonelyahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
Mom's health has gone downward.
Her heart is only pumping at 20% capacity. The muscle is incredibly damaged thick, tight, fibrous. They're going ot be putting her on a new drug that should be helping the heart drain more effectively, but that is a continuous IV pump medication, so she'll be living with a port and pump. They are also going to be looking into doing further tests to determine if she's a candidate for a transplant. however the likelihood of that is very minimal because she's had heart surgery before and the heart is very hard to operate on repeatedly. So prognosis is.... who knows? but she's actually asking for us to come over next Spring (her spring) so now I know that she's scared. And she's likely never going to be able to come back down here again. And I'm trying to not break down right now.
For context, she was 24 when she got breast cancer. this was back in the late 70s, so nothing was targeted. They gave her chemo and radiated her entire chest. Causing damage to her heart. That was 43 years ago, her entire adult life has been defined by the damage done by the radiation, but we only fully realied it about 15 years ago. So. Yeah.
So two(three?) years ago my grandad was on the roof of my carport looking to fix leaks (he was my landlord and did things himself). He stepped onto a weak spot and fell through and hit his head, causing a ton of internal bleeding and massive brain injuries. He was in the hospital for a good long while, and I had called my aunt when it happened and she drove from New Mexico to Texas to stay and help out and worry over his condition. He survived, but the damage to his brain was severe and irreversible so we eventually ended up putting him in the memory unit of a nursing home. He had never made out a will, so my aunt told me he'd wanted me to have all the houses (his house and the two neighboring houses that he rented out (one of which I was living in)), some of his other belongings would go to my cousins, and she would manage the rent houses and get the rent money. As his daughter she got temporary custody of his estate and managed to get it so that it would all transfer over to me once he eventually passed away. After about a year or so he finally did (from lung cancer and pneumonia both), and everything got transferred and I thought it was mostly okay. His truck had been in legal limbo since one of his brothers contested it's ownership, but she eventually got the deed, and she said she'd sign it over to me and mail it to me. Instead, she sold it without telling me until she called me right before the person she sold it to showed up to collect it. This is after my wife and I let her take whatever she wanted from the home and sell the rest (antiques, knickknacks, that kind of thing).
It's been about two years since then, and recently she decided she was tired of dealing with the tenants and upkeep of the rent homes (which is understandable, she had to move from New Mexico to Virginia because my uncle had lost his job and her biological father was having heart issues so she wanted to help take care of him, so she has a lot on her plate). So she calls me and says she wants me to either get a lawyer to divide up the property and give it to her to sell, or to just directly buy the rent houses from her, or just give her all the rent money but we pay for all of the house insurance, taxes, upkeep, etc. First off, I'm not going to buy something I already fucking own. Second, I'm not going to do something that's just going to COST me a ton with nothing in return. I'm livid, but I didn't want to call her because she always gets super upset and talks over me and tries to bully me into getting her way, so instead I just sent her a long text basically saying that as per our agreement she could still keep the money from the rent houses, and if she didn't want to handle dealing with the renters that would be fine, we'd take over. But all of the taxes and insurance and upkeep would be coming out of that money, and she could keep the rest. I think it's a pretty great deal for her: do nothing and get paid monthly for it, minus a small amount for upkeep and whatnot. I'm pretty sure she's going to freak the fuck out though and call me screaming about how she's owed this or that. I don't want her to cut me out of her life like she did my father (her brother), but I am fully prepared to tell her that if that offer isn't good enough then she can have the next offer, which is nothing at all.
It just makes me so fucking angry she even brought this up in the first place.
So two(three?) years ago my grandad was on the roof of my carport looking to fix leaks (he was my landlord and did things himself). He stepped onto a weak spot and fell through and hit his head, causing a ton of internal bleeding and massive brain injuries. He was in the hospital for a good long while, and I had called my aunt when it happened and she drove from New Mexico to Texas to stay and help out and worry over his condition. He survived, but the damage to his brain was severe and irreversible so we eventually ended up putting him in the memory unit of a nursing home. He had never made out a will, so my aunt told me he'd wanted me to have all the houses (his house and the two neighboring houses that he rented out (one of which I was living in)), some of his other belongings would go to my cousins, and she would manage the rent houses and get the rent money. As his daughter she got temporary custody of his estate and managed to get it so that it would all transfer over to me once he eventually passed away. After about a year or so he finally did (from lung cancer and pneumonia both), and everything got transferred and I thought it was mostly okay. His truck had been in legal limbo since one of his brothers contested it's ownership, but she eventually got the deed, and she said she'd sign it over to me and mail it to me. Instead, she sold it without telling me until she called me right before the person she sold it to showed up to collect it. This is after my wife and I let her take whatever she wanted from the home and sell the rest (antiques, knickknacks, that kind of thing).
It's been about two years since then, and recently she decided she was tired of dealing with the tenants and upkeep of the rent homes (which is understandable, she had to move from New Mexico to Virginia because my uncle had lost his job and her biological father was having heart issues so she wanted to help take care of him, so she has a lot on her plate). So she calls me and says she wants me to either get a lawyer to divide up the property and give it to her to sell, or to just directly buy the rent houses from her, or just give her all the rent money but we pay for all of the house insurance, taxes, upkeep, etc. First off, I'm not going to buy something I already fucking own. Second, I'm not going to do something that's just going to COST me a ton with nothing in return. I'm livid, but I didn't want to call her because she always gets super upset and talks over me and tries to bully me into getting her way, so instead I just sent her a long text basically saying that as per our agreement she could still keep the money from the rent houses, and if she didn't want to handle dealing with the renters that would be fine, we'd take over. But all of the taxes and insurance and upkeep would be coming out of that money, and she could keep the rest. I think it's a pretty great deal for her: do nothing and get paid monthly for it, minus a small amount for upkeep and whatnot. I'm pretty sure she's going to freak the fuck out though and call me screaming about how she's owed this or that. I don't want her to cut me out of her life like she did my father (her brother), but I am fully prepared to tell her that if that offer isn't good enough then she can have the next offer, which is nothing at all.
It just makes me so fucking angry she even brought this up in the first place.
Woofs and bro fists, good luck, that's a hard family money tangle.
Thanks. She sent a couple very long texts this morning already whining about it. When I get off work I'm going to tell her she can either do nothing and get money, or keep up this course of action and get nothing. I'm just done
I know you know but save texts, have backups, and emails would be better if you can swing it.
and "Be polite, be efficient, have a plan to kill everyone you meet." At least from your telling they are being quite unreasonable, but if you've got the legal docs and law on your side you can be the polite wall they break themselves on.
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lonelyahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
So update from me
Mom is home and doing better?
She's on a continuous IV pump with milrinone, which has been shown to improve the lives and heart function for people in late stage heart failure for anywhere from 3 months to 3 years.
She's not a candidate for a transplant or any other medical intervention, her heart and body wouldn't tolerate it any further.
So, this is it. Unless there's some dramatic new change in medical technology coming along the line, this is the last thing left to us.
I'm relieved to know that she's home, but still very upset at the unfairness of the world.
On top of this, both of mom's brothers are recovering from different cancers. Throat cancer for the eldest and lung cancer for the middle brother. Both are recovering well, but it's still only a matter of time.
Got a call from my mother to get out of work early and say goodbye to my grandmother. Managed to spend the last hours with her holding her hand before she passed.
Got a call from my mother to get out of work early and say goodbye to my grandmother. Managed to spend the last hours with her holding her hand before she passed.
:bro:
League of Legends: Sorakanmyworld
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Nintendo ID: Tortalius
Steam: Tortalius
Stream: twitch.tv/tortalius
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DepressperadoI just wanted to see you laughingin the pizza rainRegistered Userregular
this is hilariously petty given the conversation it's following but
I have to help my dad paint the dining room because he's decided the house needs to be painted
we have this glass cabinet... thing we'll have to move, it's full of mediocre models of lighthouses. it's huge and honestly kind of ugly and we can't get rid of it because "no one wants it".
I suggested we just throw it out because that's what you do with things that serve no purpose and no one wants.
my dad's reply was that we can't just get rid of it because we don't "have to learn minimalism like the Japanese do because they live in paper houses."
great racist non sequitur, guy. hope you don't fuck up your spine again moving that 200 pound piece of shit.
I had a dream I was dealing with my dad making terrible decisions that I had to deal with due to his physical disability. Not an unusual situation. I woke up and realized it was a dream and said to myself "oh good he's dead," and then "I love you dad."
I let go of all my feuds and most of my hurt with my father as he was dying, but that was a weird moment.
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lonelyahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
She's on a continuous IV pump with milrinone, which has been shown to improve the lives and heart function for people in late stage heart failure for anywhere from 3 months to 3 years.
She's not a candidate for a transplant or any other medical intervention, her heart and body wouldn't tolerate it any further.
So, this is it. Unless there's some dramatic new change in medical technology coming along the line, this is the last thing left to us.
I'm relieved to know that she's home, but still very upset at the unfairness of the world.
On top of this, both of mom's brothers are recovering from different cancers. Throat cancer for the eldest and lung cancer for the middle brother. Both are recovering well, but it's still only a matter of time.
Final update
Mom passed away a few hours ago.
she was home, in no pain. She had told my brother to go take a shower. and she fell asleep.
Thank you all so much for the support you've given on this whole thing for me. Knowing there was a place I could come and put my grief down, my anxiety and worries, without being judged, has been an immeasurable help in getting through this.
MalReynoldsThe Hunter S Thompson of incredibly mild medicinesRegistered Userregular
Oh no.
May she and you be at peace. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.
"A new take on the epic fantasy genre... Darkly comic, relatable characters... twisted storyline."
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
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FishmanPut your goddamned hand in the goddamned Box of Pain.Registered Userregular
Anyone else get to experience the unique joy of a family member involved in one of those, "Cops take a picture with a huge pile of drugs" things? Just me, then?
JedocIn the scupperswith the staggers and jagsRegistered Userregular
Apparently all the stories I wrote on the family Tandy 2000 and printed out on tractor paper were carefully kept in three-ring binders by my mother. She has now passed them down to my 11-year-old nephew, who has read them all and is now busy writing his own chapter book.
The hereditary illness continues, I look forward to encouraging his MinecraftxPokemon fanfic.
Posts
Mother-in-law:
Oh, cool! Thanks for figuring my entire Sunday out for me, I really appreciate that! You're right, I've just been giving sponge baths and changing blood bulbs and waking up in the night to give meds and check pulses and care for your daughter. Should probably get off my ass and get to work today and stop being lazy, huh
It's the, "Hey can I ask you a quick question about something?" that immediately turns into "well, while I've got you here, I have six *more* questions, three concerns, an armful of strong suggestions, and some heavy-handed insinuations about what I think you should be doing. But, you know, do whatever you want"
My wife is like "well that's just the way she is, she isn't gonna change" and I'm like "yeah I get that, but that's what my psycho gaslighting egg donor's excuse is too, so it's kind of incredibly provoking despite why she does it"
is your wife going to be ok I hope
We believe so!
Got the after-surgery report two days ago, and there was a 50/50 shot it wouldn't show any traces of the cancer (ie, was *fully* killed by the chemo) before she had the double mastectomy surgery- which ended up being the case, so that part is fucking fantastic, and amazing, and I couldn't be more grateful!
Recovery will be five to seven weeks, and her parents will be here the whole time, which *I am* thankful for too (mostly! 95% of the time!)...but her mom and I are vastly different kinds of people, and it starts to really show after we've been around each other for more than about a week
not so much for the later =p
Forgotten how hard the *RUSH* of locking horns with an unchallengable maternal figure was...feeling invigorated, like that first hit of "challenging authority" all over again. Might go flip over some cars in celebration, while the adrenaline is still going...
I'm 37. This is the anniversary of when he'd have been the same age, if he hadn't shot a bullet into his mouth when he was 36.
I don't know why he did it. He died alone in a trailer house in Texline, Texas. After he died, I wore his FFA jacket even though it was too small, because we couldn't afford a new one and my name is Todd and nobody looks too closely at the stitched-in name. I wore his FFA ring, although it was too big and didn't have his name on it and they didn't give out rings when I was in FFA. I was a kid when he died, and he was always out in the yard playing baseball or frisbee or lawn darts with us on holidays, when he wasn't out driving truck.
I don't know why he did it. I don't think he's happier now, I think he's bones in a box in a grave near Centerville, New Mexico. But I hope he's not hurting anymore, whatever was hurting him.
Well my sister is power of attorney now and found out that yeah, shes dying. I haven't spoken to her in months and the last two times I did we fought because I'm tired of her getting off the hook for being awful all the time. So yeah, she called tonight and said it was just good to hear my voice and that she misses me, but last time we spoke she said when she looks at me or my wife we disgust her so much because of our fat ugly bodies that she wants to vomit.
So yeah. Life is weird.
Do what you need to do for you, and reach out if you need to vent
Instead, she fell, broke her foot, and has to take care of that all summer. Spent a few days in the hospital. Then a few weeks in a rehab center.
Now she's coming to stay with us for a few weeks.
She's not a bad person, but she is not easy to live with. She is passive-aggressively positive and epitomizes boomer entitlement in a way that's not mean, but just.. clueless... she just does what she wants, and it's what everybody wants because she's everybody.
She has a wheelchair to mostly get around. She has a kneeler crutch-thing for getting around where her wheelchair can't go, but can't use it long distances. So we're cleaning out and rearranging our small apartment (it was due for a big clean in any case) and it's just so much. We have an extra bed, so that's fine, but she has to share a room with my young daughter. She snores, so I hope my kid can sleep well enough through it.. she's a heavy sleeper, at least.
My husband will 10000% step up and do most of the work for her. But I hope she's not so needy that I then have to do everything else ><
I feel bad that her summer sucks now, though. I hope she has at least a decent time here.
Oh also her will is all kinds of messed up and basically sets up my sister to have to be a landlord for my nearly 60 year old uncle which seems like a lot of stress to put on my sister
I'm sorry
The one other solace is that I wanted to get a recording of her life story before she died, which we completed a few months ago, so that's a major regret I managed to avoid.
Steam: pazython
But good on you for doing the recording. I really wish that I had done that with my grandmother. She was born in 1913 and lived to be 93. I just wish I'd had the thought to save more. I'm so very very sorry for what you're going through right now.
Hugs if you want them.
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Thank you. I'm managing to find ways to cope. I'm talking with her more frequently, but in shorter bursts due to her energy, planning for the future, posting about it here, things like that. I'll be going out of town to visit my immediate family next week, including my 2-year old niece, so that will give me a ton of emotional support.
I kind of regret not doing the recording project with either of my grandfathers. Though I think that's because what motivated me to do it was the birth of my niece, who my grandmother fortunately got to see, but who my niece won't remember. I wanted to give her a memento to know she wasn't just an ancestor, but someone who knew she existed and cared about her.
Steam: pazython
oof
She had a hard time getting up those stairs before she messed up her foot.
Tried to get her to look at elevator apartments, and she's just so unreasonable picky. She makes.. a lot of money, so it's all on the aesthetics that she's being strange about. She's of totally sound mind, so she can make her own choices. But her insistence that she can just keep doing as she has been doing led to her foot breaking, so maybe she should have learned a lesson.
Just really want our apartment back, and don't want her coming back because she did something else she shouldn't have..
It's been such a crazy year or two.
Turns out her and my father also found out about my wife's cancer journey months ago, and said nothing, because their game of "winning" is more important to both of them than the possible death of my partner and the mother of their grandchildren...
So, on that note.....Dear "Dad",
Dear "Mom",
Her heart is only pumping at 20% capacity. The muscle is incredibly damaged thick, tight, fibrous. They're going ot be putting her on a new drug that should be helping the heart drain more effectively, but that is a continuous IV pump medication, so she'll be living with a port and pump. They are also going to be looking into doing further tests to determine if she's a candidate for a transplant. however the likelihood of that is very minimal because she's had heart surgery before and the heart is very hard to operate on repeatedly. So prognosis is.... who knows? but she's actually asking for us to come over next Spring (her spring) so now I know that she's scared. And she's likely never going to be able to come back down here again. And I'm trying to not break down right now.
For context, she was 24 when she got breast cancer. this was back in the late 70s, so nothing was targeted. They gave her chemo and radiated her entire chest. Causing damage to her heart. That was 43 years ago, her entire adult life has been defined by the damage done by the radiation, but we only fully realied it about 15 years ago. So. Yeah.
There's a lot that sucks right now.
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This is not fair.
Everything sucks.
FUCK FUCK FUCK.
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It's been about two years since then, and recently she decided she was tired of dealing with the tenants and upkeep of the rent homes (which is understandable, she had to move from New Mexico to Virginia because my uncle had lost his job and her biological father was having heart issues so she wanted to help take care of him, so she has a lot on her plate). So she calls me and says she wants me to either get a lawyer to divide up the property and give it to her to sell, or to just directly buy the rent houses from her, or just give her all the rent money but we pay for all of the house insurance, taxes, upkeep, etc. First off, I'm not going to buy something I already fucking own. Second, I'm not going to do something that's just going to COST me a ton with nothing in return. I'm livid, but I didn't want to call her because she always gets super upset and talks over me and tries to bully me into getting her way, so instead I just sent her a long text basically saying that as per our agreement she could still keep the money from the rent houses, and if she didn't want to handle dealing with the renters that would be fine, we'd take over. But all of the taxes and insurance and upkeep would be coming out of that money, and she could keep the rest. I think it's a pretty great deal for her: do nothing and get paid monthly for it, minus a small amount for upkeep and whatnot. I'm pretty sure she's going to freak the fuck out though and call me screaming about how she's owed this or that. I don't want her to cut me out of her life like she did my father (her brother), but I am fully prepared to tell her that if that offer isn't good enough then she can have the next offer, which is nothing at all.
It just makes me so fucking angry she even brought this up in the first place.
Woofs and bro fists, good luck, that's a hard family money tangle.
and "Be polite, be efficient, have a plan to kill everyone you meet." At least from your telling they are being quite unreasonable, but if you've got the legal docs and law on your side you can be the polite wall they break themselves on.
Mom is home and doing better?
She's on a continuous IV pump with milrinone, which has been shown to improve the lives and heart function for people in late stage heart failure for anywhere from 3 months to 3 years.
She's not a candidate for a transplant or any other medical intervention, her heart and body wouldn't tolerate it any further.
So, this is it. Unless there's some dramatic new change in medical technology coming along the line, this is the last thing left to us.
I'm relieved to know that she's home, but still very upset at the unfairness of the world.
On top of this, both of mom's brothers are recovering from different cancers. Throat cancer for the eldest and lung cancer for the middle brother. Both are recovering well, but it's still only a matter of time.
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Everything about that sucks
Steam: pazython
:bro:
FFXIV: Tchel Fay
Nintendo ID: Tortalius
Steam: Tortalius
Stream: twitch.tv/tortalius
I have to help my dad paint the dining room because he's decided the house needs to be painted
we have this glass cabinet... thing we'll have to move, it's full of mediocre models of lighthouses. it's huge and honestly kind of ugly and we can't get rid of it because "no one wants it".
I suggested we just throw it out because that's what you do with things that serve no purpose and no one wants.
my dad's reply was that we can't just get rid of it because we don't "have to learn minimalism like the Japanese do because they live in paper houses."
great racist non sequitur, guy. hope you don't fuck up your spine again moving that 200 pound piece of shit.
I had a dream I was dealing with my dad making terrible decisions that I had to deal with due to his physical disability. Not an unusual situation. I woke up and realized it was a dream and said to myself "oh good he's dead," and then "I love you dad."
I let go of all my feuds and most of my hurt with my father as he was dying, but that was a weird moment.
Final update
Mom passed away a few hours ago.
she was home, in no pain. She had told my brother to go take a shower. and she fell asleep.
Thank you all so much for the support you've given on this whole thing for me. Knowing there was a place I could come and put my grief down, my anxiety and worries, without being judged, has been an immeasurable help in getting through this.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
hugs from the other side of the globe
May she and you be at peace. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.
"Readers who prefer tension and romance, Maledictions: The Offering, delivers... As serious YA fiction, I’ll give it five stars out of five. As a novel? Four and a half." - Liz Ellor
My new novel: Maledictions: The Offering. Now in Paperback!
Oof.
Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]
The hereditary illness continues, I look forward to encouraging his MinecraftxPokemon fanfic.
Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]