don't feel bad, i got hammered drunk and made out with a fat chick the day after i got out of the army, and that's almost as terrible.
luckily for me, i guess, she fell asleep earlier than expected.
yes, it is generally good to avoid the fat chick scenario
when I was in the dorms my friends and I were drinking and apparently their goal was t get me and this other kinda chubby chick together. I can't really put a measurement on it since it was vodka we were drinking but even though I was pretty drunk, I skillfully foiled their plans.
but i mean there comes a certain time in a man's life when he just has to take the easy lay.
Extract from Bedroom Secrets of the Master Chefs by Irvine Welsh (Cape)
It was uncomfortably hot in Mary's flat, but Skinner took a seat opposite the fat old woman. - Can you help me? He said earnestly.
- What's your problem?
He told her that he believed that he had put a spell on somebody. He wanted to know if this was possible, how he could have done this, and how it could be reversed.
- Oh aye, it's possible. Mary regarded him cannily. - I can help you, but I need payin first, son. Money's nae use tae me at ma age. Her eyes wrinkled. - You're a fine-lookin laddie, she said harshly. - A good cock, son, that's the payment I need!
Skinner looked at her, and shook his head ...
- Take oaf yir clathes then, let me see the goods, Mary rasped in lecherous cheer.
As Skinner undressed, the old woman removed her coat and began to struggle out of a series of cardigans, pinafores and vests. Lying on the bed, she looked smaller but still monstrous, wrinkled rolls of flab spilling over the mattress. Foul aromas rose from the putrefying pools of sweat and dead skin trapped within the folds of her flesh. - Thoat ye'd be bigger, Mary pouted as Skinner removed his Calvin Klein briefs.
Fuckin cheeky auld clart ...
- Next time ah'll bring a strap on, he said bitterly.
Ignoring him, Mary lay back on the bed and pulled away at the sagging corrugations of her body until she was able to locate her sex. - Ah've nae cream tae lubricate this. Ye'll huv tae use spit. Howk it up, she commanded. ...
Work it in, Mary urged, as Skinner took his thick green slime and spread it like a chef might glaze some pastry, at the same time slowly breaching and exploring. A ludicrously distended clitoris popped out from nowhere like a jack-in-the-box, the size of a small boy's penis, and disconcertingly strangulated groans coming from the bed told Skinner that he was hitting the spot. After a while she gasped, - Pit it in now ... pit it in ...
every once in a long while
it is a good thing to be a virgin
Jason Todd on
0
Burden of ProofYou three boys picked a beautiful hill to die on.Registered Userregular
Once my girlfriend and I were fooling around in her dorm room, it was like, 3 AM or something? Anyway, we were all alone and the lights were turned off when her roommate and her boyfriend come barrelling in and hop into bed and get down to business. There's no graceful way to extricate yourself from that situation.
Oh, and he weighed like 350 pounds, so you can imagine the fun soundtrack to their drunken romp.
the "i just ran a marathon" panting
crinkle of cheeseburger wrappers
whale calls
I weigh 320 lbs. and I don't get super tired like that until like after 45 minutes to an hour of sex.
Oh shit guys, theres a coyote outside, like near my house or even in my front yard. I can fucking see it and its howl makes it sound like its sick. But I'll be damned if I'm going out there.
Oh shit guys, theres a coyote outside, like near my house or even in my front yard. I can fucking see it and its howl makes it sound like its sick. But I'll be damned if I'm going out there.
Oh shit guys, theres a coyote outside, like near my house or even in my front yard. I can fucking see it and its howl makes it sound like its sick. But I'll be damned if I'm going out there.
it's a coyote, you pussy. not a ravenous wolf. the only animal that's a bigger sack of shit than a coyote is a fox.
Mister Longbaugh on
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Clint EastwoodMy baby's in there someplaceShe crawled right inRegistered Userregular
Oh shit guys, theres a coyote outside, like near my house or even in my front yard. I can fucking see it and its howl makes it sound like its sick. But I'll be damned if I'm going out there.
Oh shit guys, theres a coyote outside, like near my house or even in my front yard. I can fucking see it and its howl makes it sound like its sick. But I'll be damned if I'm going out there.
Oh shit guys, theres a coyote outside, like near my house or even in my front yard. I can fucking see it and its howl makes it sound like its sick. But I'll be damned if I'm going out there.
Oh shit guys, theres a coyote outside, like near my house or even in my front yard. I can fucking see it and its howl makes it sound like its sick. But I'll be damned if I'm going out there.
it's a coyote, you pussy. not a ravenous wolf. the only animal that's a bigger sack of shit than a coyote is a fox.
Ok then, why don't you come out here and wrestle it or something then?
I'm not a pussy, I just tend to stay away from things that could kill me.
Oh shit guys, theres a coyote outside, like near my house or even in my front yard. I can fucking see it and its howl makes it sound like its sick. But I'll be damned if I'm going out there.
it's a coyote, you pussy. not a ravenous wolf. the only animal that's a bigger sack of shit than a coyote is a fox.
Ok then, why don't you come out here and wrestle it or something then?
I'm not a pussy, I just tend to stay away from things that could kill me.
Oh, someone called the cops and animal control.
a coyote will not kill you. when i was little the method for getting coyotes out of the neighborhood was to run up and kick them in the fucking head.
if there are three dozen, starving, rabid coyotes and you're a six year old girl in a pitch dark open field, then maybe you should be worried.
Oh shit guys, theres a coyote outside, like near my house or even in my front yard. I can fucking see it and its howl makes it sound like its sick. But I'll be damned if I'm going out there.
it's a coyote, you pussy. not a ravenous wolf. the only animal that's a bigger sack of shit than a coyote is a fox.
Ok then, why don't you come out here and wrestle it or something then?
I'm not a pussy, I just tend to stay away from things that could kill me.
Oh, someone called the cops and animal control.
a coyote will not kill you. when i was little the method for getting coyotes out of the neighborhood was to run up and kick them in the fucking head.
if there are three dozen, starving, rabid coyotes and you're a six year old girl in a pitch dark open field, then maybe you should be worried.
See when I was a kid we went to this coyote habitat thing and they pretty much told us that if one was injured or hungry it would attack a person for a chance at a meal or out of anger.
Anyway turns out it was a very very sick old wolf from the nearby forest, they took it to an animal shelter.
if bucketman dies because of me i will go out into the world and make it my mission to hunt and kill the coyote responsible and present the pelt to his family
if bucketman dies because of me i will go out into the world and make it my mission to hunt and kill the coyote responsible and present the pelt to his family
I can see it now, after years in the wild, living with the Coyotes and decked out in furs and war paint with like some antlers from a deer on your head you approach my dads house, kneel and present the carcass to him. "Sir, I have fought hard and searched long to avenge your son. Here is the carcass of the great Wilikukin, the beast whom slayed your son."
Then my dad would shoot him because hes an asshole.
if bucketman dies because of me i will go out into the world and make it my mission to hunt and kill the coyote responsible and present the pelt to his family
Posts
just don't let her enjoy it
she's the best lay I've ever had
I think she's just grateful
she's pretty, just not thin
e: goddammit Graves
why
every once in a long while
it is a good thing to be a virgin
I think I'd be as bad at sex, as I am at foruming.
I'm apparently very bad at foruming you see.
Unless you want to be sacrificed to the Gods of Fertility.
Also I recommend you don't read the story I posted.
i hate to drag out cliches, but more cushion for the cushion
also smoke weed every day 420
I weigh 320 lbs. and I don't get super tired like that until like after 45 minutes to an hour of sex.
Then again I did use to run a lot.
1.) have sex out of wedlock
2.) drink 100 proof liquor
3.) try in earnest to kill a man
From what I have read and viewed, I don't think making witty retorts really comes into play during love making.
what if you are a woman
do you still qualify
i invite the fertility cults to do their worst
no volcanoes round these parts
just corn
it's weird but i have found that the skinny, 'hot' girls are just really no good at sex. so i guess you're right.
Is it that you are doing it with a skeleton, is that it?
no these are qualifications to be a man, not to be a manly bull dyke.
I almost accidentally choked out my friend when we were 11 and doing wrestling moves on each other
if that counts then I am a man
unfortunately i seem to share this viewpoint with shibby
i guess a broken clock is right twice a day, yuk yuk yuk
Just hope it doesn't light your home on fire.
it's a coyote, you pussy. not a ravenous wolf. the only animal that's a bigger sack of shit than a coyote is a fox.
have sex with it
buy it dinner first, don't wanna be crass
Ok then, why don't you come out here and wrestle it or something then?
I'm not a pussy, I just tend to stay away from things that could kill me.
Oh, someone called the cops and animal control.
sometimes i really want to choke that motherfucker out
I have to admit sometimes it hurts while going doggy style
just
pelvis bone man
it hurts my hips
but is it worth it to not be with a fat girl? god yes.
a coyote will not kill you. when i was little the method for getting coyotes out of the neighborhood was to run up and kick them in the fucking head.
if there are three dozen, starving, rabid coyotes and you're a six year old girl in a pitch dark open field, then maybe you should be worried.
Because he didn't know that the coyote had the rest of his friends hiding around the corner.
Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
a little meat on her bones isn't a bad thing
to Meiss: fuck you
you need to make that woman a hamburger
Pluto was a planet and I'll never forget
See when I was a kid we went to this coyote habitat thing and they pretty much told us that if one was injured or hungry it would attack a person for a chance at a meal or out of anger.
Anyway turns out it was a very very sick old wolf from the nearby forest, they took it to an animal shelter.
Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
I can see it now, after years in the wild, living with the Coyotes and decked out in furs and war paint with like some antlers from a deer on your head you approach my dads house, kneel and present the carcass to him. "Sir, I have fought hard and searched long to avenge your son. Here is the carcass of the great Wilikukin, the beast whom slayed your son."
Then my dad would shoot him because hes an asshole.
Do her thighs touch?
man no she is fantastic
doggy style....pelvic bone? what?
how thin is this person that their....bones hurt through the ass? is there something I'm not getting here?
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